I am so sad.
I don't want to leave. I've been doing everything I can to stay here but it seems like I am destined to graduate on time. And I feel so drained all the time but I can't sleep at night. On sunday night, I slept at 7 FUCKING AM. I mean, I went to bed at 2am and closed my eyes but my brain just wouldn't shut up. It felt like I was dreaming but it was just my head going wild.
Anyways, I guess its gonna happen sooner or later and I should suck it up and deal with it. I'm just so tired, mentally and physically.
But I know its all going to be okay and this is just a small blip in my life. I just have to keep reminding myself that its all going to be okay and this too will pass. I have to leave to move forward.
You know what... I am actually so jealous of people who get to go to grad school immediately after doing their undergrad degree. Its just that there is a sense of comfort knowing that life isn't gonna drastically change and the people around you change and the air around you is different and your entire lifestyle is gonna change in a single day oh god im making myself anxious.
Does this make sense to you?
I DON'T WANNA GO BACK TO MALAYSIA BECAUSE I LIKE MY FIRST-WORLD LIFE. There I said it. Its nice to have everything delivered to my doorstep and not have to go out ever, and feel safe and having my independence. When I go home, I'm just gonna feel like a child again living with my parents. A child and a maid, cause I'm gonna be the only one who cares about cleanliness.
And my eczema is gonna come back full swing cause its so hot and humid and dirty! D:
I wish I was rich.
Let's talk about my day.
Today I slept at 2AM and woke up at 8:25AM. I took 25 minutes to get ready for work which was supposed to start at 9AM and arrived at 9:15AM. I was late shit. But its okay cause my work is flexible and my boss told me its okay to be a little late as long as I finish on time.
I worked till about 11:25AM and then went to the greenhouse to water my plant experiments. There were some sprouting now. I thought they all died lol.
Then I went to eat and watch some YouTube before going to the library because its quiet and nice.
ugh i suck.