Puai Puai

When I was a kid, I slept in my parent's room till I was 12. Yup.

That's not really embarassing right??

Anyway, one of the routine things I did every night was asking my mom to puai puai my back. Puai puai is basically just rubbing my back lol.

Then my mom would just basically rub my back till I fell asleep. And in any case when she fell asleep first, I would nudge her awake and she would continue again haha.

I don't know why I suddenly thought of this but it makes me kinda.... sad. Sad that my mother always stayed up till I went to sleep when she could've just said no.

And she was always tired then, with my little brother and her job. I feel so loved by her!!

I'm grateful that my mother is my mother.

I hope my future child would want me to puai puai his/her back. Its one of the essentials of having half my genes lol. Along with having a too much self esteem to the point of being delusional and also having a really good knack at procrastination.

Konichiwa!

Right now, Big Brother is cooking some chicken and the smell is wafting in the air, so yummy!

I skipped school again today (haiya, need to write a letter...) to study at home lol. I'm asian at heart. I never thought that a day would come when I would do something as "nerdy" as this.

This week, I won an award as the "best" member of my school's Pencinta Alam (nature lovers) group. Its not that I'm so spectacular la, but its because its a very mediocre group to start off with. And then I happened to win a Gold Award in the Environmental Day competition.

Also this week, I started to collect my SPM forecast results from my teachers and its hardly surprising except that for Add Maths, I got a C. Teacher Kenneth gave some serious thought about my marks.

Teacher Kenneth : How much did you get on your SPM trial?
Me : 48. *proudly

Just saying, that was already ok! I used to get 20-something marks

Teacher Kenneth : 48???!!!!
Me : Yeah...
Teacher Kenneth : Well, what do you want?
Me : At least a C.

Then he really gave me a C haha. Ah well, I'll just prove myself, hopefully, during SPM.

And then the other subject teachers gave me A's and B's. But even if I did have my forecasts, I don't know what I'll do with them. I don't want to straight away go to school AGAIN after SPM. I wanna slow down and relax first. Cause if not then, when?

We don't relax to study, we study to work, we work so we can later relax.

Kinda silly.

Well, my goal in life is not in my career but in being truly happy. So, I'm not going to revolve my whole life and future around a successful career, but revolving my career around my life.

Am I making any sense? Haha.......

Aiya, I'm not, am I.

Something else that will happen this week is my brother is graduating college and my whole family (except my sister and I) are going on a mini vacation to watch him receive his degree. NOT AGAIN!!!!!

Its ok its ok its ok.

More Of Mathias

Whenever I try to do cool things like this, I look so stupid.

For those who have been living all this while not recognizing this face (which is everyone I'm sure, Mathias Lauridsen isn't very popular), Mathias Lauridsen is a model from Denmark. Now if you play the game where you have to say one famous person from a country you can say, "Mathias Lauridsen" with a confident face.

Cause I can't think of any other famous person from Denmark. Can you?

Oh Yes.

What is it that makes him so charismatic??!! I know some guys in my school who are average in looks but when you talk to them, you feel so special...

And people don't even know much about him. 

Hm...

Witchcraft.

Ok, enough about him.

Frustrations

I wanna write about the SINDEX thing I attended two days ago and some things that really made me upset. Well, last year, my team that won a gold medal the SINDEX competition, which is an invention competition, was selected to go international -Korea.

Well, I didn't get to go la, but hey, at least 2 members and our project got the chance.

But then, shit happened and it was cancelled, and our invention was not international anymore, dropping us back down to just another state level winner.

WE COULD HAVE BEEN INTERNATIONAL!! *BANGS FIST

The reason remains unknown as to why it was suddenly cancelled and cancelled as in last minute. As in, a frikkin day before they were due to leave. All the bags were packed, documents were ready, project polished and ready to shine and then nothing.

Our school was told to get ready RM 10 000 (or so) and we did, everything was prepared on our side. Then we got a phone call that said that nothing, NOTHING, was prepared on the other side.

We held our end of the bargain SO HOW CAN THIS HAPPEN??!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm so sick of lazy people who aren't doing what they're supposed to be doing and these people aren't even thinking about the people they are affecting!

I hate the fact that I don't even know who these people are.

Then during the SINDEX Launch 2014, they were talking about all these schools that went to Korea and I feel like shit because my team should be in that list as well.

But we're not.

And we got an overall gold medal, and most innovative invention, and most marketable invention and also No. 1 for the office and education section. And despite these accomplishments and sacrifice that we put in (especially Elvena and Ben who were supposed to board a plane), we didn't go because of carelessness?

Then the speeches were all about them (teams who went to Korea) and how THEY'VE MADE THEIR COUNTRY PROUD AND THEY SHOULD GET RM1000 FOR THEIR HARD WORK, and I'm just sitting there screaming in the inside.

Well, I'm gonna go to sleep because this frustration is too much.

What Has Been Done Can Never Be Undone

  I heard the crack of the gunshot before I felt the pain. Actually, now that I think about it, it wasn't painful at all. Just a strange buzzing sound in my head, as if my brain was bidding its time to explode into a squishy mess. I fell to my knees and was greeted by a soft blanket of snow, cushioning my fall. I saw a pool of dark scarlet blood around me, turning the snow that was once a pure white into a gory red. Then, I made the mistake of looking up, right into the eyes that oozed hatred; a pair of blue eyes with specks of gold; a pair of eyes that I would call beautiful, if not for the hint of menace that screamed out 'PSYCHO' at you. My best friend's eyes. Well, you must be wondering why this boy would kill his best friend.

     It was a beautiful night. The moon cast a pale glow on the snow around me, making everything seem like a Disney fairytale. Right beside me, was Anne. "Mathias, I don't like lying to John," she sighed. "We should tell him the truth between us. He'll understand..." A desolate sigh escaped her lips.

     "Don't worry about it," I chuckled as I pecked her nose and stared dreamily, lost in her eyes. At that moment, a man clumsily stumbled out in front of us. His lips curled into a snarl and I could see a vein pulsating on his very thick neck. A low growl emanated from him, reminding me of an animal right before it was going to kill you. "John... " Anne gasped.

   I told Anne to go back home and in a fit of tears and hiccups, she did. "John, I can explain-" I started but then his fist connected with my left eye. "Alex told me but I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe that you could do this to me." I expected him to roar and unleash the rage that was condensed within himself but all I heard was the voice of a man who seemed lost. "We are best friends, and you betrayed me," he whispered. His eyes were filled with sorrow when they met mine. "Mathias, you betrayed me."

     "Please John, I can explain," I began, then thought the better of it. "Look, the night is late. Let's just talk tomorrow," I offered and watched him look at me like a stranger on the street. He stood there, like an inanimate object and I began to wonder if he could recover from this. So, I inched closer to him, every fibre of my being filled with regret.

     With a sudden strike, like a black mamba injecting venom into its prey, John struck me with something hard. Out of the corner of my eye, I could barely make out a gun. A metallic taste formed in my mouth but before I could even notice that it was blood, John kicked my abdomen hard, with what sounded like a warcry. He kicked me, punched me, spat on me, while spewing profanities with every strike until finally, after what seemed like forever, he pulled out a gun. I couldn't do anything, my limbs were black and blue and my spirit was crushed. I could barely see anything from my swollen black eyes.

     "You're my best friend, Mathias, " he whispered into my ear with an eerie calm. He dragged all 160 pounds of me up and slammed the life out me against an oak tree. "I hope you have fun down there. I'll meet you in hell," he sounded deranged and crazy. I felt something cold press against my stomach. BANG! As I lay there, dying in agony, John walked away.

     Shivering, I thought if I had deserved this after my sin. It was my fault, mea culpa. As I gasped my final breath, my last thought was, 'what is done can never be undone'.

Marks = 42/50

Hachi's Grown Up! And Competiton Again...

Today, Hachi did one of the most proudest things ever!!

I was standing inside my house, opening my door inch by inch in fear of the demon dog trying to kill me again. So when I saw him, "Damn... not this again..." But then! When I fully opened the door, he was just sitting there, with his head to the side and looked.

Just looked!

Then when I petted his head, he didn't try to amputate my fingers like always, he just sat still and let me pet him.

THEN HE LAID DOWN. T__T So proud...

But now he's in his cage, cause its raining.

Speaking of raining, its been raining everyday for the past few days and I think I'm getting sick. I can't get sick!!!

Tomorrow, I've got a SINDEX competition to go to, which is an invention competition I joined last year and until now, its still on going. Actually, maybe now its just showcasing our project. I'm really not sure, I was only told about this today haiya why like this..

But anyway, its tomorrow and I'm kinda nervous!

Hope everything goes well!!

Laptop

My dad did buy me a laptop! Yay!!!

What have I done to deserve this wuaaahhhhh I must've cured cancer in a prallel universe or something haha. It looks like the picture but I forgot the model so, not sure. Mine is all black and elegant. *awesome

Before I had a laptop, I could always think of things to do if I had one, but now that I actually have one, I just want to store it somewhere to keep and never use it in fear of it getting dirty.

Sigh, so happy.... and suddenly I have a new appreciation for my father. :)

Sixteen Going On Seventeen

Yesterday was my birthday! I WAS sixteen going on seventeen.

On 4th October 1996, a girl was born!

Actually, every year, I have this silly fantasy that something amazing will happen to me like the things that happen in fairytale books.

Harry was a wizard at 11.
Bella met a vampire at 16.
Clary became a shadowhunter at 15.

And then there's people who found out they're fairies, wolves, princesses, and found their true love or whatnot.

But nobody finds their destiny after 20! Right or not?! So I have 2 more years left. Yikes, it would make such a boring story if those characters were old.

So, 17 has passed. No Hogwarts letter so that's too late. No creepy vampires. No princess of a lost land hmph.

I am seventeen! When I was 10 or 11, I couldn't wait to be 13. When I was 13, I couldn't wait to be 15. And when I was 15 I couldn't wait to be 17. And now I can't wait to be 18 haha.

After 21, I think I'm not gonna want to get older after that.

But yes, seventeen now. Its odd.

And as a 17 year old, I'm going to make my first silly embarrassing confession.

Only three of my friends remembered my birthday. Yeap... I shouldn't feel so embarrassed about this but I am! Its silly but, I kinda feel, underappreciated.

Haiya, I told myself to not be so silly.

On Thursday, I was talking to BJ (who remembered!) about how no one else in class remembered and I couldn't help it, I cried. Normally, I cry because I'm mad or frustrated but this time, its pure sadness.

And then BJ freaked out, so I stopped. Then he was so nice and comforted me! If it was anyone else, they would tell me to stop being an idiot. But.... I'm still super sad

Shit, even now I'm tearing up thinking about it.

Stoicism!!

I'm sad cause I remembered all their birthdays, and celebrated and gave gifts and I want them to at least say Happy Birthday but the good part of me says, give without expecting.

And then Adrian went around saying that they're planning a birthday surprise for a teacher that is like, 2 Weeks away. How can!?

Hello!?

I'm here!!

Screw these people! I hate them, I hate them all! No more kindness for them! But as usual, I stay silent and even shared some chocolates with everyone in class.

But I wanted so much to bawl my eyeballs out.

But like I said, to expect everyone to give you something like this is silly. Its so not genuine and nice.

Give without expecting.
Give with an unexpecting heart.
Don't be a bitch, Crystal!
Its ok.
Remember that you're not entitled to anything.

Good happy thoughts lol.

But its ok, like all things, it passed!

My birthday was quite uneventful haha.

The only thing we did was buy a cake from Secret Recipe and some pizza and KFC.

But its really nice la what my family did for me, I'm happy! In the morning, my mom texted me happy birthday. And my dad showed me a Samsung catalog so maybe, just maybe, this birthday will become totally awesome?

Then we ate an expensive cake.

and....

And....

Yeah that's all lol.

Thank you to BJ, Sarah and Tiara for wishing me! Now I know who my true friends are wtf.

You guys should have some expensive cake!!