Choice of Paths

I got my SPM results last week!!!!! And I'm pretty happy with my results hehohohi.

Anyway, ever since form 4 when I an education fair was held in my school, I have been worrying about what to do with my life after secondary school. I was so indecisive but back then, I kept brushing the thought away cause back then, I didn't have to decide. That seemed like a looooong time ago and I wish I had more time now.

Cause I still don't know what career path to choose at this moment. I like writing. I like reading. I like watching movies. I'm torn between financial security and total happiness.

Then again, just because I'm doing something that isn't my passion, doesn't mean I'll be miserable. And vice versa.

This little talk by Alan Watts made me think.

So, what would I do. I thought about this A LOT these past few days. I lost sleep over this. I even eat while thinking about this. And the conclusion I have come to is, a blogger. I have dismissed the thought of blogging as a full time career long ago when a lady told me that I absolutely cannot make a satisfactory living out of it. Hmm, I am quite angry when I think about this. Who is she to tell me what would and what would not make me satisfied anyway?!

Being a blogger would mean that I could write and share my experiences to everyone. That I have an extra something to look forward to when I travel or after I eat a doughnut lol. I would also take more risks in life, hoping to make it good blogging substance. And most of all, I have a good venting outlet haha. And after having all those good stuff, I get paid!

But when I ask people for suggestions, they come up with two, that is DOCTOR or ENGINEER. These are literally the only two that has been suggested. Things like, zoologist, biologist, psychologist, teacher, or nurse aren't even considered. And when I ask them why that would suit me, its because they pay is high.  =.= What about what really suits me??? When I told my parents I'm considering veterinary, they scoffed (but they said to go for it after that if I really want to :D)

I can't help but think that money is important. Not the most important la, I still have my morals and values, but its important enough to sway me. I don't know, I still have time to think it through but not as much time as I'd like. I really envy people who know exactly what they want to do, like some of my friends.

One wants to be an architect, and she has a passion for art.

One wants to be an actuarist, because she has a passion for numbers.

One wants to be an accountant, because she has a passion for accounting.

One wants to be a pharmacist because she has a passion for chemistry,

And me? I want to be an english teacher/writer because I have a passion for English? I want to be a lawyer because I like to talk a lot? I want to become a zoologist or ecologist or vet because I like animals nature? I want to be a plastic surgeon because I have a passion for beauty lol I joke! *shifty eyed

Its just that I don't have a dominating passion. Everything is just something I enjoy, but not enough for it to actually be my earth and sky.

Well, like everything, this too will pass. And I hope when I read this post 10 years later, I'll be able to laugh and wonder why I'm so worried and uncertain. Pray to God that I won't be crying and wondering why I didn't listen to Mr Allan Watts. *knock on wood hahaha

Another thing that is a mystery is how many scholarships I should apply to. I mean, I thought that I would be applying to like 10, but so far let's just say that the number is very low. But I'm not worrying much about this la cause there's UPU and Matrikulasi as my back ups and a lot of private universities offers generous scholarships sooooo yeap...

I just need to practice on my interviews. My strategy is to be confident in any situation no matter how flustered I feel in the inside. This is all so new to me!

Hwaiting!

As I am writing this, it is 34 hours and 3 minutes till I can get my SPM results. Someone must have charmed time into going 10X slower than normal this week. Either that, or God is playing the sims in turtle pace. Its soooo slow. Today feels like a decade. A minute feels like a year. Funny enough, a second still feels like a second.

I can't sleep, so I'm just going to blog about all the random, meaningless things in my head.

First and foremost is my new found love of Etude House, The Body Shop and The Face Shop! I tell you, Korean beauty products are one of the best! I especially love Etude House because its so adorable and pink and korean (haha ?). The quality of the products aren't bad either. I have yet to encounter a truly bad product from Etude House.

I can tell you though that this cleanser (Happy Teatime Green Tea) does nothing. It doesn't even really clean any makeup on your skin. I just want to finish this huge bottle up and buy a new one. Its cheap though. I got it for RM 7. Etude House's Cotton Fit BB cream is heavenly though~ One of the products you must try out from there! Also, the proof10 auto eyeliner is great!

Aiya, now I wanna go to Etude House...

On Sunday, I went shopping after church with my father and went to this korean clothing shop called Histyle. Its nice if they would make more thicker and long sleeved shirts. Because its korean and I'm completely blind in my love for korea, I like histyle lol. Anyway, histyle had this sale and can you imagine buying a pair of jeans and shorts and patterned pants for RM 15?! RM 15 RM 15 RM 15!!!!!! I wanted to buy them but... I'm not the kind to wear shorts often and I never wear patterned pants and the jeans were all ugly haha. So, I passed.

THEN! I saw these pair of acid washed jeans and they were on a buy one free one sale. I wished I had a friend to share the free one sigh at that moment. I think it was around RM 88 which is super expensive for me. So, I just sorta caressed it and left to the general direction of Etude House where I once again regained joy.

Now, I'm happy not buying those jeans. I gotta practice self control like this more often. Normally when I pay a big amount of money on something and discover that I don't need it, it puts me in a really bad mood.

(Abrupt change of subject)

I miss my straight long hair!!!!! I regret cutting it and I regret curling it though my curls are relaxed now. The only change that I have done that I love is dyeing it dark brown. At first the colour was a light brown, but now it has faded to a dark brown and I love it! It beats my black hair last time.

So I guess I'll just keep trimming my hair till all the curls are cut off but then my hair will not become longer! Aiyaiyai what a dilemma. I think, I'll just not touch it for a while. No straightening, no dyeing and absolutely no cutting! We'll see what happens after a few months.

(Another abrupt change of subject)

Why is Harry Potter so sad!?!? I've started re-reading it from the Prisoner of Azkaban and I just can't help thinking that this character is gonna die and that character is gonna die.

OHMYGOD Hedwig is gonna dieeeeeee and so is Dobby and so is Sirius... *sniffle

*Pause from blogging to pull myself together*

*****

*****

*****

But Harry Potter books are such good books. I wish JK Rowling could make a sequel. As long as she is still alive, it is possible!!

Now, we go into EXO.

My oh my. The girl looks short in this vid but she is actually 165 cm! Ok, now back to Harry Potter. Me reading this book is more childish than the me who read this book 5 years ago. Now, I imagine the characters to be korean lol.

Ron and Hermione

And here we have Harry lol.

DRACO OMG Sarah would love this

Hahahaha ok so silly I know! Yawn... its already 1am. Morning/Night then!

9 Days More

I have just discovered that reading past blog posts is just like reading past facebook statuses. It is incredibly embarassing! I just read a post that I wrote two years ago and I had to take breaks in between sentences to rest my aching head. ITS SO PAINFUL! I couldn't even go through half of it.

Ai yai yai, what was I thinking.

I guess that year was the year that I was an overly dramatic drama queen-slash-total-bitch haha. I admit it, I was quite annoying. I hope I'm not anymore though *wide eyes*.

It will be 9 more days till the SPM results day and I am super excited. I am counting the days impatiently and thinking of the outfit and makeup I will put together. You know, just in case I get straight A's and end up on the news. I have to look nice right! So people will say wow brains and beauty, haha.

So many things to do in these nine days! Dye hair, buy new clothes, exercise to get that healthy glow on my skin! Everyone haven't seen each other for 4 months, there will be judging and I want my criticism to be good.

Though I don't think I lost weight at all during the holidays. But I've been trying to be healthy. I heard that the minimum requirement of exercise that a person needs to have everyday is equivalent to 10,000 steps. So, I try to achieve that by walking around my house during commercial breaks and while waiting for the water to boil or something like that. And I feel much nicer after adopting this habit! Nicer as in, happier and more positive. So, that's always a good thing right?

Although, I always feel guilty when I eat things like McD and drink soda. Soda is supposedly the ultimate culprit in weight gain and even just now, I drank a whole tall glass of coke, plus a burger and french fries so add that to the guilty meal! D: How to stop, will anyone tell me?! I suppose its just a matter of how much you want it.

Maybe in these 9 days, I can improve myself more by exercising and dieting more vigorously. And maybe my complexion will improve as well, but I have long given up on that anyway so whatever to that. 

화이팅! 빠리 빠리!