I Am Such An Idiot

Sometimes... no most of the time, I can't keep my mouth shut. I say things I shouldn't say and things that are hurtful and things that make me look stupider than I really am.

And I say things that makes people think differently than what I want them to think.

More often than not, I go to sleep thinking that I am an idiot. T.T

Its Not The Same

Katy Perry once said, "Comparisons are easily done once you've had a taste of perfection."

Its true its trueeeee!!

My favorite lipstick colour is no more. T.T

I have been using IN2IT's Moisture Intense Lipstick in Tangerine for the past two years and it's running low, so I went out to get a new tube.

But when I was in Watson's, there was no tangerine! No tangerine in other stores either. How can??

Tangerine is a natural orange colour that gives me colour without making me look like I put colour on. It looks like I woke up like this lol. Cause lately, I've been noticing that my lips are really pale and dead looking so a lippy is a must!

But how lor. There were only colours like roses and cognac and juice. 

And none of them were as naturally orange like tangerine! They're all pink or red. And the closest colour to tangerine was juice, so I got juice. But I also thought I could change to a pinker shade so I bought rose.

And FML la, they both pale in comparison to tangerine. Even juice looks pink.

So I guess I'm a pink girl now cause these lipsticks costs RM20 each and I am going to force myself to love them like I love my tangerine.

Pink for the next 5 years yay! But I'm going to go hunting for an orange lipstick anyway cause I can't move on cause I'm emotionally crippled.

I Remember

I think I have pretty good memory. I always do better in subjects like biology and history where you have to memories a lot of facts compared to physics or maths where you actually have to understand concepts whether you like it or not.

But the thing is, I memorize useless things and forget important ones.

Lyrics? Piece of cake!

Physics equations? No.

Facts that nobody cares about? It takes 8 minutes for the light from the sun to reach earth.

Facts I can use in exams? Potato.

I also remember some childhood memories but mostly the bad ones la when I got scolded by my dad T.T the pain is still raw wtf.

During kindergarten, Mommy would wake me up but usually I'm not so cooperative la. I would adamantly cling to my pillow or blanket and she would drag me to the bathroom for a bath.

And my family has never installed a heater EVER so every day before school since the age of 3, I have been showering in cold water in the morning.

So I hated getting ready la.

But back to the pillow and blanket...

I remember that my little hands would slowly weaken as we made the trip from bedroom to bathroom, and I would panic and try to inconspicuously adjust my grip.

Then the pillow and blanket would fall from my tiny hands and I would have to sea with the reality of having to go to school.

In hindsight, my mom was really patient dealing with an unwilling school-goer.

I love her. 😙

New year! New class!


Hello guys, Crystal here. Its been three weeks already since a new semester started and I think I'm doing quite well in classes.

I'm in yet another new class this semester. My class has 23 boys and 2 girls, one of which is me. Welcome to Engineering.

You'd think this is a dream come true for a girl but think again. It's quite lonely in class but it's an opportunity to learn better and have fewer distractions.

All the girls in my program are really good in Calculus apparently, and I'm repeating Calculus.

Most of all, I miss my friends. I almost never get to see them. And when I do, it is me who goes to their class.

I'm the worst relationship-maintainer there is! I don't text. I don't call. I don't talk to people if there isn't an occasion to. I suck at maintaining small talk. So I can see myself drifting apart from them sooner or later. Plus, I have an ego the size of the moon so I rarely initiate conversations.

Jeng jeng jeng.

I won't beg for attention and I won't cling or hold on. I'm just a bad friend like that.

Oh well.

Right now I'm getting all my university applications done and over with and I hope so badly that I'll get accepted into at least one of them.

Pleaseeeeeeee!

That's one of the most crucial part of my program. This is the only thing standing in the way between me and my dream.

Any university is fine. They're all great.

Why do I hurt people I love?

I should just stop talking altogether. I should not hang out with people. And I should keep things to myself. And I should definitely stop begging for people's attention.

Yep.

But other than that, I'm doing good.