What I've Done In 2014

It's the end of the year again and I thought that I should reflect on myself. New year brings up mixed emotions for me cause I'm happy that its a new start, scared of what happens for the next year, proud of what I've done, and kinda sad of what I didn't do.

2014 was a mildly eventful year.

I got the longest holiday ever which lasted seven months because I ended secondary school and was waiting for my SPM results. Since I was 4 years old in preschool, the longest holiday I have had was 2 months. And then suddenly I have more than half a year of nothing, so I didn't do anything productive. The next time I'm gonna have a holiday this long will probably be because of unemployment, marriage, pregnancy (but even pregnancy also no holiday actually), or I become terminally ill. Knock on wood. *taptap

This year I also scored straight A's in SPM and that landed me a scholarship to a foundation in engineering. I got really angry at myself for a while after I accepted the scholarship because I have never wanted to become an engineer. But I already chose it so just accept it la.

And thus in the year 2014, I became a college student majoring in engineering yey.

Through studies, I learnt to live in an apartment with 3 other girls. I found out that living is expensive, which sucks.

I wasn't really homesick but I did miss home occasionally. But I went home every month so what do I really know of homesickness.

I found out that I don't care if I wear the same 8 shirts, 3 jackets, 3 jeans to class in cycle over and over again because clothes are expensive.

I also learnt that precalculus is out to drive me mad slowly and the thought of taking Calculus I next semester makes me burst into tears. But that's okay.

I learnt how to board airplanes by myself. It still makes me anxious though.

I had not much bad times this year but one of it would be GPA nda sampai mark. Aiya, this is something I'm so angry at myself. Did you know that the grade for A range is >90?! But its okay, I'm persistent.

I feel like the year started after I went to college haha. Before that,life was too uneventful.

I didn't expect my life to turn out this way. EVER. Nevertheless, I am.grateful to God that it is the way it is. Please 2015, be my year!

Please let me have the willpower to study hard. And maybe sprinkle my life with a little bit of luck. A dash of happiness and a buttload of fun. Also add wealth and fortune la while you're at it lol.

TOEFL

I am so happy! I just checked my TOEFL (TEST OF ENGLISH AS A FOREIGN LANGUAGE) results and I got 115/120... WHICH IS PASS MY SPONSOR'S FLYING REQUIREMENT OF MINIMUM 100!

I feel so alive! *happy dance

I was already bracing myself for disappointment.

I always get a score of 100++ during my practice tests so I should've had more confidence in myself... But if I suddenly had a mediocre or bad score for the real TOEFL, that would have been more frustrating!

And I usually do my TOEFL practice tests carelessly. I sometimes drift off, just hantam an answer, don't take notes and my main goal during practice tests is to finish it as fast as possible... Cause its super tiring and I just wanna get it over with.

So I guess those bad habits leaked into the real test. I even finished an hour early. I live dangerously like that.

TOEFL is hard work when you live in Borneo. Have to use an airplane, book a hotel, use taxis and eat expensive outside food that sometimes isn't even yummy. But my test centre was just outside of the Petronas Twin Towers so I got to do a little tourist-ing, and consumed and buned about 3000 calories in one day. SO MUCH EATING AND WALKING!

And I always hear how KL stuff is so cheap. Manada! In fact, it might even be more pricey.

The hotel I stayed at was right in front of the twin towers so I lived next to a celebrity AND had very nice wifi connection so I 9gagged to sleep. (9gagging=giggles=best way to fall asleep)

So I'm happy! This must be one of heaven's gifts for me this Christmas. :D 감사함니다.

Which reminds me! Its Christmas time aka the most wonderful time of the year! Merry Christmas and may all your wishes come true!

Babai!

Sigh Sigh Sigh

So I did it. I ruined my life.

When I first started college, my lecturer brought one of my seniors into class to talk to us. He could answer all of our questions.
P
He said, "This is one advice that you should always follow: Don't mess up."

And surprise! That's exactly what I did. I messed up on my final essay which costs 20 percent of my final grade for the subject. *sob uncontrollably

And the more embarassing thing is, I told my friends that I thought I did well on the essay! I should stop saying these kind of things, the opposite always happens.

People say that great people dare to fail. That's always easier said than done. When you're the one who fell down and bruised a purple bump on your knee, its hard to smile and say, I'm ok.

It has been 4 days since I got the news of my screwed up essay and I still have to stop mid-something and sigh and bury my face in my hands.

When I watch a comedy movie, I stop mid-giggle and sigh.

When I drink water, I stop mid-gulp, choke and sigh.

When I read a book, I stop mid-chapter to throw the book across the room and sigh.

Oops, I just sighed writing that last sentence.

I just wanna forget this situation. Cause its not like I can do anything about it anymore and I've learnt my lesson. I gotta study more and be more careful. *sigh

I sighed again

I need a hobby. I think I've read about 10 books already in a month. My current book is Red Queen. Its a story where a world is divided by the colour of your blood. The plot twists are just.... Twisty haha. It didn't really make me go gasp OMG. But enough to make my eyes go wide.

I've also just finished reading a book called 'Heaven Is For Real'. Its an okay book about a kid who went to heaven and he met Jesus and God and experienced heaven exactly as how it is stated in the Bible.

I should try going swimming for a little while. Perhaps tomorrow. Enjoy life while I still have the chance and try to get in shape before the new year.

Stupid Dog That I Love

My dog, Hachi who works as a full time bodyguard for my house disappeared a few weeks ago. I suspect that someone stole him because he is such a badass bodyguard or maybe cause he’s so noisy so someone killed him. Its possible! The world is a cruel place.

Anyway, one of our neighbours asked us what happened and when we told her that Hachi is gone, she said that it was a shame cause Hachi is a “special” dog. Hachi is very very very loud. Every time a stranger passes our house, he goes berserk. But, Hachi is a smart doggy.

He is so smart that he knows all the cars and people around my area, so he doesn’t bark at them. But when he sees someone he doesn’t recognize or a new car, he warns us that there are strangers around.

And I also love that Hachi has expressions. The neighbour said that even though he’s loud, he’s a nice dog because he SMILES. Yeap, my dog smiles at neighbours which is something that even I don’t do.

I want Hachi to come back but at the same time, taking care of a naughty dog is hard work. He climbs over our gate at night and prowls the neighbourhood and pees at people’s tyres. We call him Batdog because of that. (Haha geddit geddit? Cause he’s a bad dog.)

I think someone took him away cause he’s the type of dog that would bite on sight. He doesn’t even hesitate to try to amputate my hand off! Me! The person who feeds him! So terrible la this dog…

But as terrible as he is, I kinda love this doggy. So come home and let me love you, you stupid dog!

2nd December 2014

It has been raining heavily these past few days and yesterday, it rained the whole day. The weather is so pretty like this! :D

I am back in Sabah now, having my semester holidays and I feel unusual. I was so busy with studying and assignments back in school that I was begging for the holidays to come. But now that I am having my holidays, I don’t know what to do and I feel empty.

And everyday I think, what am I gonna do today? And then I answer myself with nothing or something incredibly boring like sleeping. But before I know it, night comes and my family comes home and yay I have company again.

On a sadder note, I just found out my GPA pointer for the semester and its… not as good as I want it to be. I was aiming for 3.5 and above and I didn’t reach it. I got a 3.31 CGPA.

I am tempted to explain to everyone that the grading scale is high and the subjects were hard to justify my less than satisfactory results, but I think its immature to make excuses like that. So I’m just going to redeem myself next time.

There is a reason for me to want a 3.5 CGPA and that is because it is a minimum requirement for me to fly overseas next august. It is a huge setback for me but nevermind la, just study in Malaysia for another year also ok. :D

I don’t know why I am so desperate to fly next year. I really really want to but then again, there are some silver linings. Like for example, I could grow to be more mature and learn to find myself in a familiar environment.  And I’m still figuring out my life so waiting another year might be a good idea.

So for now, I don’t have to worry about university applications or interviews or anything that’s weighing my shoulders down. The CGPA thing is pretty bummy, but I’ll live.

Oh and also, I am totally loving living away from my family. I know some people who are incredibly homesick, and I myself get homesick sometimes too, but most of the time, I feel more free to live on my own with housemates. I like being able to buy late night snacks, and doing my own laundry without any of it going missing, and I like going to study rooms to study and staying at the library late.

Living in boarding school (although I’m not in a boarding school. I’m in college) is awesome. I can see why people love it.

I have also made some friends who I've really come to love and care for and who I know will always be there for me, so that just proves that I'm not the socially awkward seal I think I am! 

Hi Again

All right.

I have been missing from my blog for close to 6 monthys and have probably lost all my readers by now. Well, there was a reason for that and that reason is...

I went to college!!!

Yup I went to college, and am currently doing a foundation in Engineering.

I don't know where to start because it has been such a while... perhaps, at the beginning? Yeah okay.

First and foremost, it happened. I finally left home and started living on my own. On my first day of living in my apartment, my father went back to Sabah, and I almost cried in public. I don't mean the silent tears falling down my face (cause that did happen) but the full out bawling kind of crying. Then two arese started snickering at me from their car near us and it kinda ruined my moment.

Then that night, I cried in my room while my housemates went out lol.

Any other big news? Well, Meow died. I came back home a total of two times since I left and he was totally fine! Then one night, Mummy called me and she said he died... A WEEK BEFORE. T.T I got news that my cat died one week late....

So, how's life Krystal? Are you enjoying it?

Well honestly, I have been quite depressed (not clinically la lol) because I am taking a course that I have no passion in. And I have always dreamed of doing something I love and that I will have fun with my life that the idea that I probably won't takes so much time to sink in. But then, when it did sink (like a month ago) and I thought "Oh my God what have I gotten myself into?!" I got angry at myself and kinda ruined relationship with the people around me with my bitterness. I've been an awful person lately... sensitive, mean, insensitive, an arse to people gosh I don't like myself.

But you know what, I am getting around to accepting. There are some falls like the other day I got a 39/65 for a pre-calculus test and I broke down in class, sobbing. Only about 3 of my classmates saw me though. They were speechless cause maybe that was the first time they had to deal with an overly emotional girl (they were from an all boys school). I rethought my whole life and kinda melted into the ground haha.

But then I got myself together and scored 62.5/65 on the next test woo!

There's so much going on in my life. University applications are going on all over again. Assignments, presentations, homework are given out every single week. But somehow, I am not drowning. I am pretty bad in my socialisation skills though. I seem to say the wrong things and react the wrong way and offend people. Wanna say sorry also, too cowardly to do that.

I don't know what to do about that except to just let it be and hope time will make things better.

Potterhead *sigh*

Small Of Her Back

I have read many books and have come across the phrase 'small of my/her/your/his back' so many times.

But like most words and phrases I don't know, I never bothered to find out what it means.

Then I saw the phrase again in a new book I was reading and finally decided to go find out where the small of the back actually is.

Answer : The part of your right above the top of the pants.

He rested his hands on the small of her back as they began dancing.

Now I know.

24th May

24th of May was the highlight of my stay in KL with Daddy, Mummy and Little Brother before I officially become a Uni Girl. Its the day of shopping!!! 
Mostly shopping for stuff for my room la, but still.
We ate breakfast at Midvalley Megamall food court and its really yummy. I think better than most of the expensive restaurants' food. And way cheaper.
And then off we went! First stop, commuter station. O.O
I have never rode in a train before. Even bus and taxi also can count the number of times I've been on it on 1 hand. So I was a bit stressed out when I saw the amount of people in the station but I still have to learn how to go about buying the ticket and coins and which train to take.
Thank goodness I wasn't alone that time.
The commuter was ok though. It was air-conditioned and not as dense with people as I thought. But I don't see myself using it a lot though.
I went to see the petronas twin towers and KLCC and then went to Bukit Bintang to look around. I think its quite overrated actually, I didn't get the whole ooohhh and ahhhh feeling looking at all the buildings and shopping malls. 
I heard all the wonderful cheap prices in KL compared to KK but I don't think the price difference is that big. Maybe can save a few ringgit on each item la. I bought 2 long sleeved shirts that my university required and I love them! Can wear for anything :D. But that's where the shopping stopped for me lol. 
Maybe I just haven't explored the shops enough. But there's much more of the brands at KL, like Sephora, Forever 21, ZARA, and Makeup Forever.
I really think my accent is too different because wheneverI order something, I always have to repeat it at least twice. After a while, I just spoke in English to everyone.
Then, we went back to the hotel.
I didn't even get to rest before I went shopping for stuff like pail, hangers, pillow, bed sheets, tupperware and alarm clock. Buying all these took up the rest of the day and left us with so much stuff to bring to my college.
Finally, we ended the day with Godzilla which was an okay movie. Again, it is overrated. 
And now, is when I tell you a plot twist.
I was getting ready to go to sleep when a Watsapp message ring came and I found out that the Mara loan results were out. I sat up and checked and....
I GOT IN!
So I told my parents and just like that, I wasn't going to sign up to the uni anymore. I only had while to think about it and wish I had more time to think about which I wanted to go (like google and research and ask for advice)... but we had to book the flight ASAP so I just went with my gut feeling and chose Engineering over Life Science.
I still wonder if I made the right decision and I'm still worried if I made the wrong one. But there's no going back now. Its now Engineering or nothing. Aih... I hope I'll be able to do this.
I'll work really hard! I won't give up. I'm going to go to the  library until late at night ad do all those maths calculations until I become as smart as Albert Einstein. And then I'm going to read and read and read all the books until I can quote the exact paragraph and the page number in each one.
Do or die.
Go big or go home.
Oh God, I hope I made the right choice.

Bla bla bla plane bla bla

I'm waiting to board my plane!

Ooh there is one coming in right now.

I saw my favorite cookie shop here at the waiting area... FAMOUS AMOS. So I bought them and will eat them on the plane.

Just now, my separation from Meow was very dramatic. Soooo kesian oh him! His favorite owner, the human who loves him the most is leaving.

I told Little Brother to take care of him.

I'm gonna miss how Meow warms my feet at night. And how he always crawls on to my lap or chest whenever he can.

사랑해 미아우!!

(That was written right before I boarded the plane on friday. So much happened since then. I've got major news!!)

Last Night

Goodbye KK!!!!!! Its my last night here and I packed a hella lot of stuff. One whole bag filled with my life lol.

Skincare, wet wipes, bb creams, hair clip, contact lens with solution, lip balms and a friend's birthday present for motivation haha. And also some soap and shampoo just in case.

OMMMMMGGGG!!!! I NEED TO BRING MY EXO PICS AND LEE JONG SUK POSTER!!!!

*runs to pack in my official territory flag*

Not weird ok haha. I'm sure other girls hang pictures of their favorite celebrities too. They're actually postcards btw.

I decided to leave Lee Jong Suk's huge poster though.

So... I think I'm ready to leave.

Truth be told, I actually think I'm going to accept the overseas scholarship if I am skilled enough get it. Cause this is a once in a lifetime opurtunity right! Going to a western country worh...

I really really want it acutally. But we'll see next week what happens. If I keep saying things like this and in the end, I'm not even offered then that'd be embarassing.

I've been very busy this week. I did a very elaborate medical checkup that I had to come to the clinic on 2 different days, and I opened a bank account, and made new baju kurungs, and packing my luggage.

I'm gonna do a "What To Pack To Uni" blog post soon! Just have to go to uni to see if I missed anything.

Ok la! My flight is tomorrow afternoon. Two hours up in the sky yay but there's no movies or songs to listen to anyway so not so yay about that. I guess I should bring a book.

Well, till I blog again! Muah!

Kriseu's Lawsuit

Haihhh...

Kris from EXO is terminating his contract. Worst case scenario is the whole group disbands, best case scenario is Kris will just get a new and improved contract.

I see them as a motivation. Cause they followed their dreams and work hard every day to get better. And I want to be like that too.

But now that Kris is leaving and the whole group is turning their back on him, it kinda shatters the perfect picture I have of them in my head. 

Mmmm so sad :( This is the one kpop group that I fell in love with at first sight. When I saw them in Running Man (a korean variety show), I immediately wanted to know more about them. Ah well, they can't always be perfect.

Something New, Something Familiar

I need to get this off my chest.The last two posts were also of this topic but I'm going to dedicate this one post to one topic :

I am scared and worried right now.

University life is so foreign and I know that I'm not the only one who feels this way. Life goals has been so straightforward up till now. It's always so simple and I only have to take it all one step at a time. Study. Do well in this exam. Do well in that. Join activities. Go to this class. Go do that. Secondary school is EASY. And fun honestly.

It was fun because it is familiar to me. I know exactly what to expect like what to wear, what to do, what to eat, who to talk to.

Hajiman... (but...)

I am going to KL soon... like 2 weeks. Everything is so foreign. I don't know what to wear, what to do what to eat, who to talk to. I don't even know if I should speak like normal or try to refine my Malay a bit cause some people think that the Sabah accent is very harsh.

I am going there ALONE and I think that's what frightens me the most. If I had continued my studies near home, then I could go back home and cry on my friend's/families shoulder. I just want something familiar...

I want to come back home at the end of the day.

Ok, I'm just gonna blabber all the embarassing things ok?

Whenever I have a bad day, I would cry at home, with my mom. (Oh god I'm even crying now). I cry. Its what I do. And let me tell you, I cry very easily. The slightest confrontation and sadness can set me off. Even watching other people cry makes me cry. Thinking of something bad that happened to me 13 years ago makes me cry.

I cried watching Spiderman break up with Gwen Stacy.

Anyway, later at this foreign place, probably with no friends, I'm gonna have to cry alone. That's such a depressing thought... I'm gonna throw away all dignity and call my parents every night! I'm gonna skype, watsapp, sms, call them all the time haha.

Last year, this loneliness didn't even cross my mind. I always thought that I'd be sick of familiar things cause 17 years already seeing the same things right? No, I can't get enough of this. Its really true... you don't realise you love something till you've lost it.

I think that... I'm really not ready to be independent. I'm still a child. I'm not ready to go out to the real world on my own.

My aunt called me just now and I told her that I'm heavy hearted and while telling her, I got even more heavy hearted so its hard... She said that everything will be okay. I'm gonna have to face this sooner or later (although I would wish it was later).

So, I guess I'm diving in these murky waters, unknown of what lies beneath. (Damn dramatic sentence)

This makes me realise how cruel it is to animals when you separate them from their mothers. And I've done that a number of times when I took some kittens back to my house. I feel so bad now!!!!! Btw, that is not the case with Meow, cause he was alone and starving when I found him.

I'm also worried about my inability to make new friends. I've never had any problems making new friends (my trick is to treat them as if they are already your friend, usually people would just play along) before. But! Suddenly my confidence is dropping haha what am I gonna do.

What if I don't find people who click with me? What if they find me weird? What if I become the campus pariah omg knock on wooooood.

So... I went back to basics aka pre-school leveled motivation and remembered this Dr. Seuss poem (?).

I will definitely remember these words when I'm in a slump and when I'm afraid. Like, now lol.

Someday I'll read back this blog post, and laugh and wonder, why I was ever worried. :D

I'm going to make my year in KL fun! And enjoyable! And I'm going to spend my days and nights laughing, cause a second being unhappy is a second wasted right?

So, although I'm sad to leave, I should also say I'm excited for a whole new chapter of my life to begin. And also lots of freedom hoho. I'll update again when I get there and tell you guys all about my first week after orientation.

TTFN! Tah Tah For Now.

Scaredy Cat

I'm scared leh! I read some posts about orientation week and it seems like hell!

I would only get 3-5 hours of sleep???? I would have to get up in the middle of the night???? I would have to go under thr sun???

And then get harassed by seniors!

Nope nope nope. Uggghhhhh somehow I want to go to matriks haha.

I absolutely hate unnecessary torture. I read that the seniors would wakr you in the middle of the night just to do a cheer.

Omg.

Please help me.

I hate this kinds of things. Now that uni life is getting closer, the reality is getting clearer.

I was hoping for a peaceful orientation with speeches and chairs.

Not sports and grass.

The thing that gives me motivation the most is EXO. They have worked so hard so long. I need to be more like them.

I Got In!

I got into the university I wanted! But I don't want to say which university it is. I can tell you its not overseas haha.

I feel like this blogging so much about my life! But the things I wanna say are private :(

And I'm scared that these blog posts will haunt me forever. More so that I'm moving to a new school and I say something wrong and have to go to uni court and then get expelled HOW!?

Like this.

But I love blogging! Eottohke.....

I guess I'll just write out my filtered thoughts.

Its so exciting! I really don't know what will happen in one year. I feel like I might miss my mom. Before this I was very sure I wouldn't miss my parents but I am so close to them and I've been seeing their faces for 17 years! It would be shocking going by a whole year without them.

And then I have to leave Meow (cat)... and Hachi (dog)... and Little Brother (human)....

I wanna go... and yet I wanna stay. If I went to Matriks, that would be possible cause I can come home every month with a half hour flight, possibly less. But this one is like a two hour flight. How to afford? And how to make time?

I wanna ask Teacher Dorothy, my english teacher last year how she coped when she went to UK to study when she was young. I wanna send a message to her but I dunno, too shy, too awkward. Should I? All my brothers and sisters did this transition slowly cause they all went to matriks so I don't think this experience is the same.

The only person who could very much understand is Daddy. He left home since he was 13! THIRTEEN. To somewhere as far away as I am going now. Actually, exactly as far away. Then he went to UK directly after that at my age, 18. WHAT IS THIS. IF HE CAN DO IT, I CAN DO IT.

I hope I'll have fun. I wanna make new friends who love EXO (haha major requirement right there) and who I can click with. You know, the kind of friendship that makes you laugh and laugh and laugh.

Then again, I wanna keep in touch with my current friends. I always imagined that my friendships in secondary school are forever. I hope it is. :D

I'm also wondering if RM 500 a month is worth it for an air-conditioned room. Pffft a rented house doesn't even cost that much! Then again... Malaysia is very hot oh... Maybe I should go on a diet for the whole year and spend the money for air conditioning instead. Hold on, don't they have scholarships for these things?

I also hope that I'll be able to catch up with my studies since I basically forgot almost every single thing I learnt before this. I will work hard! I've experienced utter failure before and I will not experience it again!

*determined face/constipated face  .... Shouldn't make such jokes.

Take a calculated jump I guess. 화이팅. 하나 둘 셋 가자!

First Post Of May 2014

Its the start of May already and all of the university results will come out! The rumour is its coming out this week and I have been checking everyday but alas, nothing has come out yet.

Imagine! In a month or two I'll be a UNIVERSITY/COLLEGE STUDENT. *angels singing *big eyes *wide smile

As usual, I am nervous. But I've been through so much waiting (like SPM exam, SPM results, shortlisting results, matrix results and so many other results la) and was nervous in all of them that I am already comfortable with this kind of discomfort lol.

I've reached the point where I just feel like whatever happens will happen and I'm confident in my ability to make things alright no matter what it is.

And I've already been accepted to matrix so now my road to higher education is already confirmed no matter what yay! *optimistic

While waiting for SPM results, I was sure that I wasn't going to get my desired results and even spent a lot of time mentally preparing myself for the devastating news that I created in my head.

I'd imagine getting my results, seeing the horrible B's and then faking a smile and then going behind the hall building to cry lol. It was so dramatic, complete with dramatic camera angles (it rotated around me lolol), sad piano and violin and rain wth . In my head I cry so prettily but actually...

But pshhhh all that worrying for nothing cause everything worked out perfectly. Which is why I don't really worry for my uni results now. So sick and tired emotionally.

So now I know its not because I was actually crappy in the interviews but its all in my head. My head keeps replaying all the scenarios that I did something stupid but somehow conveniently forgets all the things I did right. *scumbagbrain.jpg

I can only pray to be accepted into the university if my choice. If I don't get it...

Its still okay haha. The world won't end. The sun still shines. Maggi still needs to be cooked for 2 minutes wherever I am lol.

*squeals!

I can't wait to find out what my future school will be!

This is the story that inspired my SPM english essay.

I read the book a week before SPM (I know right, sempat lagi) and fell in total love! My teacher asked us to write an essay on being a better person and I plagiarized wrote something inspired by a scene in the book.

Then when SPM came, I wrote about the same storyline as my essay in the book again haha. It was already in my head right, might as well use the same storyline.

I got an A for it :( 

I was expecting an A+. Sometimes I wonder if my essay was too deep and sad and melancholic for the examiner.

Anyway, this casting is so wrong!!!!! Hazel and Augustus are the Prior siblings from Divergent. And I imagined Augustus to be more good looking.

TMI

1. What are you wearing?
- I am wearing a brown comfy dress my dad bought for me.

2. Ever been in love?
-Nope. Except to fictional characters and celebrities haha. *coughjongsukcough* Some of my obsessions were Natsume Hyuuga, Edward Cullen (I was young and stupid), Lee Jong Suk, Mathias Lauridsen

3. Ever had a terrible breakup.
-No... *shifty eyed

4.  How tall are you?
-I am 153 cm or 5 feet tall. For 5 years I thought I was 156 cm..... haih, the agony!

5. How much do you weigh?
-45 kg. I plan to lose some.

6. Any tattoos?
-No and I don't think I'll ever have any.

7. Any piercings?
-I've pierced my ear 8 times and the last time was in 2009 but it always heal closed because I take such bad care of it. Now I only have one piercing on my right ear.

8. My favorite OTP.
- I had to google what OTP means hahaha. It means ONE TRUE PAIRING. I don't really have any... I guess Monday Couple la. Just hantam haha.

9. Favorite show?
- EXO Showtime!!! I can watch each episode an infinite amount of times. I also love Running Man and The Heirs but EXO Showtime is my favorite. If its western ones, I like Law and Order, Castle and Bones.

10. Favorite bands.
- EXO. (Even though they're not really a band, and in that case its CN Blue)

11. Something you miss.
- My secondary school days. I miss my friends and food and life and going out of the house daily!

12. Favorite song?
- My Lady by EXO.

13. How old are you?
- I'm 17 going on 18.

14. Zodiac sign.
-Libra.

15. Quality you look in a partner.
- Funny like Baekhyun, kind and joyful like Chen and real and relatable Tao.

16. Favorite quote.
- "The timing is now". -Yoo Jae Suk.
  "A wolf doesn't care about the opinion of sheeps". I think this everytime my confidence breaks down.
  "It all goes back in the box." Whenever I get too competitive in Monopoly, this is important to remember.
  "If you can't fly, then run. If you can't run, then walk. If you can't walk, then crawl. But whatever you do, you have to keep moving forward."

17. Favorite actor.
- Park Shin Hye. I also like Katherine Heigl in her comedy movies.

18. Favorite color.
-Pinkish beige.

19. Loud music or soft.
-Soft. Loud music annoys me.

20. Where do you go when you're sad.
- To 9gag. If after that I'm still sad, I'll drown my sorrows in blogging.

21. How long does it take for you to shower.
- 10 minutes.

22. How long does it take for you to get ready in the morning?
- Half an hour.

23. Ever been in a physical fight?
- Well I was in fencing, so yes. I also fight with my little brother. Usually over something like the tablet or book. If its like a catfight, I don't think so. Way to sissy for such things. If I soil myself how?

24. Turn on.
- You have to love EXO for us to be friends haha no I joke. Kindness, a sense of humour, brains and sensitivity. A good heart is what's important.

25. Turn off.
- Pretentious and rude people who think they are better than everyone else are the absolute worst! Just confidence isn't enough to be charismatic, we need compassion as well.

26. The reason I joined blogger.
- To have fun :D

27. Fears.
- Uncertainty.

28. Last thing that made you cry.
- Watching a series called Bones just now.

29. Last time you said you love someone.
-  few moments ago. I said, "I love Chen!!!!"



30. Meaning behind your blogger name.
- Krystal Cera is the pronunciation of my name but not the spelling. I thought it was clever lol.

31. Last book you read.
- The Charisma Myth by Olivia Fox Cabane. I read this to ace my interviews and I think its really interesting!

32. The book you're currently reading.
- Crown of Midnight by Sarah J. Maas. Not very impressed, but its ok.

33. Last show you watched.
- Bones.

34. Last person you talked to.
- My sister.

35. The relationship between you and the last person you texted.
- Friends.

36. Favorite food.
- Waffles right now. *salivate

37. Place you want to visit.
- South Korea!!!!!! Pleaseeeeeee someday... and I will go see a kpop concert! And eat the food (although I hate kimchi and tteokbeokki)! And go shopping!

38. Last place you were.
- A restaurant to eat noodles yeammm.

39. Do you have a crush?
- Nope.

40. Last time you kissed someone.
- I don't know haha. This question presumes that I have kissed someone! So the answer is, in a parallel universe lol.

41. Last time you were insulted.
- A few weeks ago, when this guy called me to recruit me to his university. So I said I wanted to study psychology and he said its a waste of my "talents" and I'll just end up working in an asylum. Bas After that, I said ok thanks bye and scratched that university from my list.

42. Favorite flavor of sweet.
- Milk sweets. There was this milk sweets sold in my school canteen last time and those were the only ones I would buy. If there wasn't any, and I really needed something sweet, it would be guava.

43. What instrument do you play.
- I don't know how to play anything. I would like to learn piano though.

44. Favorite piece of jewelry.
- I don't wear jewelry.

45. Last song you sang.
- Overdose by EXO. Oh she's got me, oh she wants me, oh she hurts me something something in korean bla bla overdose.

46. Last sport you played.
- Basketball or badminton waaaaaay last year.

47. Favorite chat up line.
- "I'm not supposed to speak to strangers, but we've met before." -Princess Aurora- hahahah

48. Have you ever used it?
- No, but I hope to someday. Its so funny eh! I have tried "Can I give you a kiss? *opens palm to reveal hersheys* A hershey's kiss?" I don't think thats a pickup line though.

49. Last time you hung out with anyone.
- On monday, Sarah, Esther and I had the same interview.

50. Who should answer these questions next.
- YOU.

Gif Of Chen Winking

I think Chen may have bumped Tao for first place in my exo bias list.



"When you cry, the sun shines"

Pent Up Anger

Yayyyy all my college and scholarship interviews are done! I had three interviews - JPA, MARA-JPA and UM. Should I write an experience blog?

The more that I think about it, I think I have made a grave mistake.

Eottohke?!

My mistake is letting other people tell me what to do. Back then, it seemed like a pretty good idea because I had no idea at all what I wanted to do with myself and I thought adults knew better than me anyway, so a huge part of my choices (like 50%) was all about other people's thoughts on what I need to be.

I don't have the passion for most of the things they tell me to do.

So, my advice to my juniors who are fresh out of school... DON'T LET ANYONE, NOT EVEN YOUR PARENTS, TELL YOU WHAT YOU WANT. If you don't know what you, think about it until you do. Ask for advice but don't let people force you. Ask yourself, what do I desire? What Alan Watts said is true, if you really like doing something, you will eventually become a master at it and it doesn't matter what it is.

I should have just applied what I wanted!!!!! *sigh Now, looking in at my list of applied courses, it makes my heart heavy.

In fact, I'm starting to resent everyone who told me what I needed to do. And its not even a suggestion, its like an order. Said rudely to me some more haih.

Everyone (well almost everyone, mostly the aunties) is telling me, "Don't be stupid. You got 10As. Be this be that. What for become this and that. Eh, money is everything you know so don't need to put your passion and happiness into this decision. Trust me, I'm an aunty and I know everything."

And its just so frustrating!! Its me who is going to make this my whole life! Its me who is going through the stress! Hey aunty! Go tell your own children what to do  la!!! The worst thing is, they have been absent for most of your life and suddenly at this moment, they can tell you what's best for you.

I want to be what I am passionate about and what is going to make me happy. Money is numbers, and numbers will never end. The people who make their whole life working just for the sake of gaining money will never be satisfied.

I don't want to get money just to continue living a shitty life.

Lol, is my pent up anger showing? Well, that's cause I am angry.

Mostly angry at myself for not standing up for myself in the first place. They told, and I listened so that makes me equally, if not more, or even if not entirely at fault in this situation. 

So when the time comes, I will have to decide. If I were offered a scholarship or accepted into a course in something I don't want, will I take it? Maybe a miracle will happen.

Ok, so now my mind is past on what to do in the future.

And has moved on into getting the means of how to get to doing the future! Yayy progress from one worry to another slightly less stressful worry. Because choosing what you want to do is like so permanent, but getting the means of doing it has a lot of options and is quite straightforward.

So its interviews time! Though this is so syok sendiri and delusional because I haven't even been called for an interview yet but there has to be at least one in my life right? So if I prepare now, it wouldn't be a waste of time anyway.

I divided my time into reading self help books on how to get people to like you instantly and reading up on the courses I applied for. Let's just say, that its not as easy as I had imagined it to be.

First of all, my malay deteriorated rapidly throughout the holidays. My accent is weird and forced and I can't figure out the words to say. Haha, I keep asking my mother to translate for me. Just just now, I asked her what was human nature in malay twice! (Its 'sifat semula jadi manusia' btw)

Its my malay that worries me the most because I sometimes get tongue tied in tight situations. Dahlah nervous in english, nervous in malay is twice the trouble.

Im also worried that I might not have enough opinions. I'm not a very opiniated girl. I don't oppose much. I just go with the flow. If you told me that 2X89 was 118, I wouldn't even care to object or count it myself lol.

Which also makes me gullible to facts haha. I counted that, its 178 right right?

So if the interviewers asks what I think about global warming... add my un-opinion-ness and my nervousness and I'll probably say some BS like, "Global warming is a myth."

Oh my goodness. That's actually possible. *knock on wood

I should say something like, nature will persevere. Mankind is only harming itself. Nature will evolve, and mankind is foolish to think that just because we won't survive, nothing else will.

Sehhhhh, read that in a mature, slow, confident voice. Now, can I turn that phrase into malay? No I cannot. Well, I can, but it will take some googling and asking my mum.

I went shopping yesterday and it was sooooo nice! I went to VOIR and it has 70% off sales. *squeal

I bought two tops for me, one for my mom and another for my sister. Everything amounted to around RM80 which is okay for me. But this is VOIR we're talking about, I should have been paying RM300 for the studd I bought.

I think I'll stop shopping for a while...

But I always say that anyway and go into crazy shopping mode whenever I go out. I need to save money for when I go to uni. *sigh

March 2014 Has Passed Already?!

A no sense post to end March :D If you can tolerate my constant blabber that is.

I can't believe its the end of March already! So much has happened (actually all that happened is getting the SPM results)

First, after getting results is going back to kampung last weekend. By coincidence, that weekend my parents and uncles and aunts and distant relatives had planned to make a family meeting so they would never lose touch.

A lot of people asked me what I want to do what I want to do when I grow up now. I guess I am kinda grown up now, at least grown up enough to have to think about this latest nuisance.

My answer had always changed throughout my life and now I know what the true answer is. I don't know. *lol facepalm

 Basically the general answer is "Whatever that makes me filthy rich in the future". =.=

I need to wake up and be brave. I can't be worried that I might hate my life in the future. I can't be worried about things that I haven't experienced yet, that's just irrational.

BUT I CAN'T HELP HAVING THE NEED TO PULL MY HAIR FROM MY SCALP!

There's that frustrating  feeling of butterflies multiplying in my tummy again. Always there to remind me of the future that isn't predictable. I admire people who would think of this as an adventure and take it all in stride but that's just not me.

I commented on Sarah's blog that everything would end up fine, and if it doesn't then that means that its not the end of things yet.

So, I'm going to try to be positive and optimistic! :D

Another thing that happened is that my taste in shopping just upgraded lol. Suddenly all the cheap items have no attraction to me! In fact, I just bought RM 130 worth of products from the body shop the other day and I never usually spend that much in one go.... Is this good or bad.

I saw a top at Padini that is very gorgeous (*salivate) and I have wanted to buy it for a long time but.... its RM 120! That's more than my usual entire outfit put together!! It's right in front of the shop so every time I pass the shop, I'd be sighing because this particular shirt is almost never on sale.

It was on sale once for 20% but I thought... its Padini. Padini always has crazier sales. Now Padini has a huge sale but that particular top isn't even 10% off. Come on shopping luck! Work!

Btw, I wrote about a pair of jeans a few weeks ago.

I saw these pair of acid washed jeans and they were on a buy one free one sale. I wished I had a friend to share the free one sigh at that moment. I think it was around RM 88 which is super expensive for me. So, I just sorta caressed it and left to the general direction of Etude House where I once again regained joy.

And I bought it!! My cheapskate luck worked and it was on sale and I bought it for RM 35+-+-.

I've also found a new favorite book! Its been a while since I've read a new very good book. I read the divergent series recently because the movie came out but its just not working for me. So to keep myself occupied, I re-read the Harry Potter series. But now, I found a book called Persephone by Kaitlin Bevis. Really interesting eh! My knowledge in Greek mythology has leveled up drastically (hail wikipedia!)! I wanna read more books with greek mythology!

Maybe I should become a greek mythology professor, if such an occupation really exists.

    

I keep thinking of Nana as Aphrodite in my head. Need two pics cause she's so beautiful *starstruck

I read the the whole three books in the series in 2 days. That's how good it is. I know its silly but I've always had a stupid habit of getting too emotionally attached to characters in books I read. Even right now I'm experiencing book-end-withdrawal and I've been moping around goodreads trying to find another treasure.

I should go slow and savour it next time, like when people drink wine.

I'm so thankful that such good and entertaining books exist. Reading is the best on a boring, uneventful day. Sigh, I hope that when I go to school again, I'd have time to read but somehow, I have a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that I won't because I'll be so busy.

Choice of Paths

I got my SPM results last week!!!!! And I'm pretty happy with my results hehohohi.

Anyway, ever since form 4 when I an education fair was held in my school, I have been worrying about what to do with my life after secondary school. I was so indecisive but back then, I kept brushing the thought away cause back then, I didn't have to decide. That seemed like a looooong time ago and I wish I had more time now.

Cause I still don't know what career path to choose at this moment. I like writing. I like reading. I like watching movies. I'm torn between financial security and total happiness.

Then again, just because I'm doing something that isn't my passion, doesn't mean I'll be miserable. And vice versa.

This little talk by Alan Watts made me think.

So, what would I do. I thought about this A LOT these past few days. I lost sleep over this. I even eat while thinking about this. And the conclusion I have come to is, a blogger. I have dismissed the thought of blogging as a full time career long ago when a lady told me that I absolutely cannot make a satisfactory living out of it. Hmm, I am quite angry when I think about this. Who is she to tell me what would and what would not make me satisfied anyway?!

Being a blogger would mean that I could write and share my experiences to everyone. That I have an extra something to look forward to when I travel or after I eat a doughnut lol. I would also take more risks in life, hoping to make it good blogging substance. And most of all, I have a good venting outlet haha. And after having all those good stuff, I get paid!

But when I ask people for suggestions, they come up with two, that is DOCTOR or ENGINEER. These are literally the only two that has been suggested. Things like, zoologist, biologist, psychologist, teacher, or nurse aren't even considered. And when I ask them why that would suit me, its because they pay is high.  =.= What about what really suits me??? When I told my parents I'm considering veterinary, they scoffed (but they said to go for it after that if I really want to :D)

I can't help but think that money is important. Not the most important la, I still have my morals and values, but its important enough to sway me. I don't know, I still have time to think it through but not as much time as I'd like. I really envy people who know exactly what they want to do, like some of my friends.

One wants to be an architect, and she has a passion for art.

One wants to be an actuarist, because she has a passion for numbers.

One wants to be an accountant, because she has a passion for accounting.

One wants to be a pharmacist because she has a passion for chemistry,

And me? I want to be an english teacher/writer because I have a passion for English? I want to be a lawyer because I like to talk a lot? I want to become a zoologist or ecologist or vet because I like animals nature? I want to be a plastic surgeon because I have a passion for beauty lol I joke! *shifty eyed

Its just that I don't have a dominating passion. Everything is just something I enjoy, but not enough for it to actually be my earth and sky.

Well, like everything, this too will pass. And I hope when I read this post 10 years later, I'll be able to laugh and wonder why I'm so worried and uncertain. Pray to God that I won't be crying and wondering why I didn't listen to Mr Allan Watts. *knock on wood hahaha

Another thing that is a mystery is how many scholarships I should apply to. I mean, I thought that I would be applying to like 10, but so far let's just say that the number is very low. But I'm not worrying much about this la cause there's UPU and Matrikulasi as my back ups and a lot of private universities offers generous scholarships sooooo yeap...

I just need to practice on my interviews. My strategy is to be confident in any situation no matter how flustered I feel in the inside. This is all so new to me!

Hwaiting!

As I am writing this, it is 34 hours and 3 minutes till I can get my SPM results. Someone must have charmed time into going 10X slower than normal this week. Either that, or God is playing the sims in turtle pace. Its soooo slow. Today feels like a decade. A minute feels like a year. Funny enough, a second still feels like a second.

I can't sleep, so I'm just going to blog about all the random, meaningless things in my head.

First and foremost is my new found love of Etude House, The Body Shop and The Face Shop! I tell you, Korean beauty products are one of the best! I especially love Etude House because its so adorable and pink and korean (haha ?). The quality of the products aren't bad either. I have yet to encounter a truly bad product from Etude House.

I can tell you though that this cleanser (Happy Teatime Green Tea) does nothing. It doesn't even really clean any makeup on your skin. I just want to finish this huge bottle up and buy a new one. Its cheap though. I got it for RM 7. Etude House's Cotton Fit BB cream is heavenly though~ One of the products you must try out from there! Also, the proof10 auto eyeliner is great!

Aiya, now I wanna go to Etude House...

On Sunday, I went shopping after church with my father and went to this korean clothing shop called Histyle. Its nice if they would make more thicker and long sleeved shirts. Because its korean and I'm completely blind in my love for korea, I like histyle lol. Anyway, histyle had this sale and can you imagine buying a pair of jeans and shorts and patterned pants for RM 15?! RM 15 RM 15 RM 15!!!!!! I wanted to buy them but... I'm not the kind to wear shorts often and I never wear patterned pants and the jeans were all ugly haha. So, I passed.

THEN! I saw these pair of acid washed jeans and they were on a buy one free one sale. I wished I had a friend to share the free one sigh at that moment. I think it was around RM 88 which is super expensive for me. So, I just sorta caressed it and left to the general direction of Etude House where I once again regained joy.

Now, I'm happy not buying those jeans. I gotta practice self control like this more often. Normally when I pay a big amount of money on something and discover that I don't need it, it puts me in a really bad mood.

(Abrupt change of subject)

I miss my straight long hair!!!!! I regret cutting it and I regret curling it though my curls are relaxed now. The only change that I have done that I love is dyeing it dark brown. At first the colour was a light brown, but now it has faded to a dark brown and I love it! It beats my black hair last time.

So I guess I'll just keep trimming my hair till all the curls are cut off but then my hair will not become longer! Aiyaiyai what a dilemma. I think, I'll just not touch it for a while. No straightening, no dyeing and absolutely no cutting! We'll see what happens after a few months.

(Another abrupt change of subject)

Why is Harry Potter so sad!?!? I've started re-reading it from the Prisoner of Azkaban and I just can't help thinking that this character is gonna die and that character is gonna die.

OHMYGOD Hedwig is gonna dieeeeeee and so is Dobby and so is Sirius... *sniffle

*Pause from blogging to pull myself together*

*****

*****

*****

But Harry Potter books are such good books. I wish JK Rowling could make a sequel. As long as she is still alive, it is possible!!

Now, we go into EXO.

My oh my. The girl looks short in this vid but she is actually 165 cm! Ok, now back to Harry Potter. Me reading this book is more childish than the me who read this book 5 years ago. Now, I imagine the characters to be korean lol.

Ron and Hermione

And here we have Harry lol.

DRACO OMG Sarah would love this

Hahahaha ok so silly I know! Yawn... its already 1am. Morning/Night then!

9 Days More

I have just discovered that reading past blog posts is just like reading past facebook statuses. It is incredibly embarassing! I just read a post that I wrote two years ago and I had to take breaks in between sentences to rest my aching head. ITS SO PAINFUL! I couldn't even go through half of it.

Ai yai yai, what was I thinking.

I guess that year was the year that I was an overly dramatic drama queen-slash-total-bitch haha. I admit it, I was quite annoying. I hope I'm not anymore though *wide eyes*.

It will be 9 more days till the SPM results day and I am super excited. I am counting the days impatiently and thinking of the outfit and makeup I will put together. You know, just in case I get straight A's and end up on the news. I have to look nice right! So people will say wow brains and beauty, haha.

So many things to do in these nine days! Dye hair, buy new clothes, exercise to get that healthy glow on my skin! Everyone haven't seen each other for 4 months, there will be judging and I want my criticism to be good.

Though I don't think I lost weight at all during the holidays. But I've been trying to be healthy. I heard that the minimum requirement of exercise that a person needs to have everyday is equivalent to 10,000 steps. So, I try to achieve that by walking around my house during commercial breaks and while waiting for the water to boil or something like that. And I feel much nicer after adopting this habit! Nicer as in, happier and more positive. So, that's always a good thing right?

Although, I always feel guilty when I eat things like McD and drink soda. Soda is supposedly the ultimate culprit in weight gain and even just now, I drank a whole tall glass of coke, plus a burger and french fries so add that to the guilty meal! D: How to stop, will anyone tell me?! I suppose its just a matter of how much you want it.

Maybe in these 9 days, I can improve myself more by exercising and dieting more vigorously. And maybe my complexion will improve as well, but I have long given up on that anyway so whatever to that. 

화이팅! 빠리 빠리!

Superstitions of Malaysia

When I was a kid, I was told a lot of superstitions aka pantang larang. 'Pantang' means absolutely cannot and 'larang' means not allowed. Did I get that right? Gosh, my Malay is so bad.

Do I believe in superstitions now? I think yes, to a certain point. There are some that I think are completely silly and there are some that I have drilled into my head. And Malaysia has so many races and I live in Borneo, where there are more than 20 different races.

But some of my superstitions might be wrongly understood la hehe. These are the ones I grew up with.

1.There is something called ketulahan here, and it basically means jinxing. Ok, I believe this superstition very much ok! Last year, a friend of mine was bragging that he had never failed a biology exam, and the next exam, he failed. Something similar to this is called 'keapunan' (did I spell that right?). If you want to eat something but can't, you have to at least have a teensy bit (like swiping your finger on the rim of the rice cooker if you can't eat rice). If you don't, something bad will happen to you like getting bitten by ants or falling down.

2. Young unmarried girls must not sing while cooking because if they do, they will get married to an old man.  I think this superstition exists because people are scared that spit will get into the food, right? Or maybe old men are attracted to the voices because their eyesight aren't good anymore haha.

3. People should not sit on pillows, or they will get warts (?) on their butts. Its not warts exactly but I don't know what it is called in English. Truth be told, I'm not sure what its called in Malay either. I think this superstition exists because parents want their children not to sit on their pretty cushions. Since children in the olden days always play around in dirt and rivers, their butts would be very dirty and if they sit on it, and then at night, they sleep on it, its quite dirty right? So, parents made it up lol.

3A. Number 4 is bad luck because in chinese, the pronunciation is similar to death.  Which is unfortunate for me cause I was born on the fourth day of October so I always get 04 as a number when I have m class T-shirt made. Apparently in Korea, its the same thing. 'Sa' is four in korean which also means death.

5. If you accidentally bit your tongue or the insides of your cheeks, someone, somewhere, is talking crap about you. This isn't something that I really believe, but whenever I do bite my tongue, I always think, WHO IS IT?! *shifty eyed

 6.If you make an animal suffer, the weather will turn bad. I found out about this when I was keeping a pet grasshopper when I was very young and I had to break his legs so he couldn't get away. Cruel, I know. As I was about to do the dirty deed, my brother stopped me, saying he wanted to go jogging lol.

Since that day, I've always been careful on how I treat animals. Yeah, not cause of animal abuse awareness or anything, but a superstition!

7. This one is scary!!! On saturday's, my cousins and I were never allowed to play hide and seek or go around at night because spirit's might kidnap us. Usually our conversations would go like this.

"What are we going to do today? Let's play hide and seek?? Awww, its saturday right actually.... Nevermind, let's just play in the room."

How scary would it be to be waiting in your hiding place and you look behind and.... ahhhh, its so stressful just thinking about it!

8. Just like how 4 is a bad luck number, 8 is a good luck number! 8 in chinese is ba and it has the same meaning as wealth or prosper. So, when you buy lottery tickets, make sure to have 8 somewhere in there lol.

I have no eights in my birthday, nor any eights in my name haiya... now I can't rely on destiny and fate to make me rich! *pout

Well, that's all the superstition I can think of now. Western superstitions like don't walk under a ladder and don't open an umbrella inside or don't step on cracks aren't really thought of around here. But there's one that piqued my interest, which is when a couple gets married, the groom isn't allowed to see the bride in her dress before the wedding day. Its a special, peculiar superstition to me and I really like the idea of it!

When Jong Suk Does Aegyo

Found at : http://leejongsukindo.tumblr.com/

Asian Equivalent of Mathias

I think I have found the asian equivalent of Mathias Lauridsen!

I don't know if its just me or what but they look quite similar right? His name is Lee Jong Suk.

His drama, I Hear Your Voice, is soooo nice! My main reason for watching the drama at first was Lee Jong Suk but the plot was so amazing, wah, I don't have words for it. It's different than the normal K-Dramas I usually watch.

Usually, I watch the clumsy lame poor schoolgirl capturing the attention of the cool, rich guy but his parents are against it. Or maybe the girl likes the guy but he doesn't know she exists until something happens and poof they're together. Yeah, its usually things like that isn't it?

But I Hear Your Voice is more than that, its scary and sad and touching and you just feel a lot of emotions a human can't give you in real life. Does that make sense?

Well, anyway, its a great drama.

Move aside Lee Min Ho! I have a new favorite actor hoho. I like his eyebrows and mouth as his best features. Cause his eyebrows look very Korean-like and his mouth looks like Do Kyungsoo's from EXO. If this beauty wasn't man made, then the angels must have sprinkled more love into his creation...

I'm still trying my best to learn Korean. So far, I can only say a few phrases but my reading and writing is getting faster and more imprinted into my brain. Yay, progress. ^^

I hope one day, I can go to Korea and talk to Koreans in Korean. And also, I hope that soon, I can watch my dramas without the need of an english sub. Subs are so annoying, cause I can't look at the actors' faces when reading. And its even more annoying when the subs are in Malay. Its just not right!

What If I Get a B?

Suddenly I'm anxious/nervous/scared/freaked because all these doubts are creeping into my head.

The biggest scariest doubt is *jengjengjend* SPM. I can't believe its still haunting me after all this time.

For my english continuous writing essay, I chose a narrative essay and the question was something about an experience that made me a better person.

Rewind a bit, in 2 years I've been struggling to write a good plotted essay because I am not original and all my essays drag on and on about silly things. So the main thing I think about when writing an essay is to make a solid plot that is short and sweet.

But unfortunately, I only have an hour to do the essay and I struggle to think under pressure. And the exam was so stressful, I felt I was suffocating.

So once I saw the questions I quickly did my section A as quickly as I could, and then went on to the the essay. One thing, teachers have always advised us students to do section B (the continuous writing essay) because it has more marks and takes more effort to do. But my advise is do section A (the directed writing that has a format) first cause as you do it, ideas on section B can come to you naturally, right? Yeap.

But just my luck, I didn't come to me naturally that day, OF ALL DAYS! So, I was sitting there for a while, stumped, and thought about this one time, I spent 40 minutes on my plot and ended up making silly mistakes on my essay.

 Before the exam, my teacher gave me my class an assignment on what made us a better person and its really similar to the SPM question right? The problem was that its one of those stupid plot essays because I was really inspired by this scene in The Fault In Our Stars by John Green.

The story was about this boy that was going to die of cancer and he did haha and when he did the girl didn't want to live anymore without her bestfriend. But then she found a letter from him to her about how he didn't regret his life and that she should be stronger and she cried and promised to his spirit that she will. OMG that's a horrid plot.

I feel like cursing right now.

So, I wrote about that.... and now I'm worried because it might not answer the question and it might drop my grade all the way to a C.

What am I going to do if I can't get an A!!!??? English is my only personal talent, and I want to be an english teacher and I want to have a foundation in TESL.

I'm going to be really depressed if its not an A!!! My history and moral can be a B but my English must must must must be an A!!! Even an A- will do!

Ok, I can't think like this. My grammar was good, my vocab was good, my expressions were good. Just because my plot resembled dog shit doesn't mean that it will be so bad. And its not really dog shit... its not like I wrote a silly love story. Its about life and death, and in the end, death and in the end the guy lost to cancer, but, in death comes life (so profound haha) and the girl found her life. Goodness, I hope the examiner likes these kinds of things.

I will get an A! I will get an A! I will get an A! I will get an A! I will get an A! I will get an A! I will get an A!!!!!!!!

I must get an A... Please please please if there is an ounce of justice in this world, I deserve an A! I've worked too hard on finding all these expressions and reading all the books I've read and all the essays I've poured my heart into.

Sigh, I don't even know who I'm begging to in this blog. The ministry of education haha?

I know this sounds horrible, but...

If I get the same grade as someone who speaks broken english (cewek cewek pretty girl cam you do what here ah? ughh), I would be soooo infuriated!

Ah, I shouldn't say such mean things. I'm sure it will be fine, though. This blog post calmed me down and made me see some sense. After this, no more worrying and I will only think positive thoughts!

Here is a quote from John Green, the author that inspired me in my last essay as a secondary school student.