Trying to limit my shopping

In the spirit of saving money, I am going to limit my shopping.

I have always loved to shop. In my first year of university, I think I shopped almost every single week whether its on Amazon or Target or Sephora. And most of the time, it was just to have fun! I think at that time, my rent so low (270$) that it really left me with lots of leftover money.

But now, I am paying 399$ a month on rent which is wayyy more than what I used to pay. Gas and water is included in that though, so that actually evens it out a little bit but still... I saw a picture shared by Dave Ramsey and he said that 25% of your income should go into housing. I think I spend about 37%, depending on how many hours I worked in my part-time job. Then again, I don't pay for insurance, or a car, or health, so 37% sounds about right. But shopping is so compulsive and unnecessary. It clutters and makes me feel like shit afterwards. So no more compulsive shopping and that includes food delivery!

I think another really important lesson I learnt in the past year is that I don't have to go on vacation so much. I really much rather stay at this home I spent so much money decorating, with the internet I pay so much monthly, and the gas that is already included in rent.

But sometimes I do get jealous when I see pictures on instagram. It just seems so fun!!! T.T And I just seem so lame for sitting at home.

Then you know what's even not so fun and lame? BEING A BROKE ASS BISS. Honestly, its just pressure and jealousy that's making me go on these expensive vacations. I just wanna brag about how much money I can spend when I don't have money to spend. Its so stupid cause I should've started saving earlier and worked more instead.

And that's how I comfort myself. However since I've been so good and not travelling, I am saving up to go to Chicago for spring break and that should be fun! I've already been to Chicago but this time, I think its gonna be more of a relaxing trip than a explore the city kind of trip. The plan is to rent out an amazing Airbnb and chill with good food, and think of it as a treat.

I Fail

I failed as a Christian.

I was at the gym just now and my mother whatsapped me.

Mother : Did you go to church?
Me.        : For what?
Mother : Ash Wednesday.

I didn't even know it was Ash Wednesday! Dahlah I haven't been to church for how many weeks already...

I feel quite guilty.

No not just quite. VERY guilty.

I don't even go to a Catholic church, but an Anglican one because its easier. I know I know. It doesn't matter as long as your heart is in the right place.

But if that is so, why is my heart so heavy?

I want to go back to a Catholic church. I want to attend a mass that has been so ingrained in my head I can probably do it in my sleep.

I mean, Anglican churches are great and fun but its not the way I was brought up. I will forever be a Catholic and I don't think anything can change that.

But going to the nearest church from my place costs RM20 per trip which is ridiculous hmph and its never safe to travel alone these days. How ah. How ah...

Maybe a sacrifice I have to make.

This is the story that inspired my SPM english essay.

I read the book a week before SPM (I know right, sempat lagi) and fell in total love! My teacher asked us to write an essay on being a better person and I plagiarized wrote something inspired by a scene in the book.

Then when SPM came, I wrote about the same storyline as my essay in the book again haha. It was already in my head right, might as well use the same storyline.

I got an A for it :( 

I was expecting an A+. Sometimes I wonder if my essay was too deep and sad and melancholic for the examiner.

Anyway, this casting is so wrong!!!!! Hazel and Augustus are the Prior siblings from Divergent. And I imagined Augustus to be more good looking.

I'm Nervous

Its been a while since I made more resolutions for myself.

One of the resolution that I have unconsciously made for myself is to study more and I really really try to. Sigh, but its not enough to try, I have to actually do it since action speaks louder than words.

(And just to impress you all, I have studied for three hours before writing this post hehehe. I'm really easily impressed. And just to impress you all more, I was doing add maths hua hua!)

My life is revolving around studying now when just a month ago, it revolved around my drama competition. That was hectic and we didn't even win hmph.

But now, I want to win to myself! I want to prove to myself that I really can do anything, that I can be my own personal superwoman. Never in my life have I ever had less faith in myself than now and never in my life have I had as much headaches as I have now. Before this, I've always thought that everything will go alright whatever I choose to do, and it has. But then, shit was shat.

But on Tuesday this week, we had a motivational talk by Sir Ezone Constantine and he said that we can change. Even with 23 weeks left on my clock, I can change to become a straight A student?

It seems really impossible once you take a look in my results.

But if you take a look at my other results, I AM IMPROVING!!!!!

From getting a C in English to an A. From an F to a D in History!! I was so happy to hear that I passed!! From failing my Add Maths to another D as well is just such a happy moment for me even though that was only my First Semester Test.

So, I want to get that feeling again and again and again!

Ezone told us that he was failing seven subjects and he had two months left to study for his own SPM and then he passed everything. Not A's but passed which is still impressive with two months.

And now, he is on his way to becoming a millionaire!

I want to have an amazing story that would inspire and motivate people as well!

So everyone who reads this blog of mine, please pray for me so that my mind can be opened to every single fact and detail needed for SPM because even though its weeks away, I can feel my stomach tied into knots at the thought of it.

Its funny, now that I've seen how hard SPM can be, taking PMR seems easy. I remember that I was a little nervous but I knew I was ready. If you asked me to take my SPM now, I would just be sitiing there blankly looking at my papers haha.

I promise though, that I will do my best! Anticipate it!

I'm gonna go and continue studying now lol. This was just a half hour break from Add Maths. Its killing me slowly, like cyanide.

Oh speaking of cyanide, I love love love my EST classes! Its one of the classes I look forward to the most in the week. I'm glad I chose to take it, its one of those fun classes where we all just talk and talk and talk non-stop about all the issues going on around us.

This week, we talked about synthetic fibres for the clothing industry and about women things like PMS and our menstruation and that using tampons is bad for health so we should stay away from that. And its not bad for health as in taking our virginity or something silly like that but our menstrual blood consists of layers and tissues from our womb that are solid so those stay inside the womb if you use tampon.

Last week, we talked about how animals were slaughtered and I was so sad to hear how cruel it really is. I even turned semi vegetarian as in I try not to eat meat.

Its slowly changing my life! :O

Anyway, if you have the time, do try to check the video out on youtube. If you're up for a disgusting time of course.

Goals

Today, my school arranged a talk for all the Form 5's to boost their motivation and the talk was given by Ezone Constantine.

And one of the things he talked about was GOALS.

I haven't really thought much about my goals, mostly its just to achieve my straight A's in SPM and to open up my business and then get rich, simple.

So today, I'm gonna blog about all my goals, from the simplest, to the more complicated ones, and to the ones that graze the border of insane.

1. Straight A's in SPM. Actually, as long as I have no C's I'm ok already.
I want I want I want this so badly and yet, it seems so far away. But I'm running towards it as fast as I can.

2. Get at least 7 A's in my SPM trial.
EEEEEEEP if I get this, I would cry.

3. Get a scholarship in business in the UK with my SPM trial results.

4. Open my own business. (Yeeeee so exciting!)
I want to open a boutique and then slowly climb up from there.

5. Buy a huge house with servants waiting for my calls.
Or, buy a whole island for myself where I can laze around and do nothing. After all the stress from running my business (actually, why would there be stress when I have fun doing it?), I would need somewhere where work doesn't exist.

6. Have a car collection.
Bruce Wayne has one so I want one too!

7. Open an charity.
Ever since I was a kid, I had a weird fascination about animals.
And when I was a kid, I read all about the endangered animals in the world and one of those animals were the black rhinos and did you know that they were declared extinct in west africa in 2011? Mad.

8.Run a business empire.

9.Travel around the world and see the seven wonders of the world.
I have only been in an airplane once in my life. How about a million times more in a private jet?

10.Get a doctorate before I die.
And people will have to call me Dr. Crystal The Supreme Ruler of The Crystal G. Business Empire, eventhough I'm not a real doctor. Or! I can just rule the world and people can call me Master. See, I care about you all. Now, you won't have to call me Dr. Crystal The Supreme Ruler of The Crystal G. Business Empire.

Exams NUUUUUU

My exams are over and I think I'm failing. :(

But still, exams are over and I am feeling so light and airy!! :D

Because of the drama competition, the team skipped a whole week of exams so that's like, 14 papers and so, we had to cram all those papers up into the final week of exam and that's about 32 papers to finish in one week.

It's official, the drama team are superheroes hahaha.

And so, this whole week was spent in school trying to do all these exams and the team did the exams in the teacher's office after school.

It's so distracting la, when you're trying to think and there's this group of teachers that talk on and on and on and you can't help but follow their conversation.

These teachers are like kids. They have their cliques, their way of talking (they call each other BROTHER) and they joke around A LOT. It was surprising for m to hear them talk about playing candy crush and about their latest romance haha. And they talk waaaaay louder than the students.

And its also kinda funny to see the younger kids be silly. Like there were a bunch of these kids and they reported themselves fighting. WUT? In the end, they got scolded by their class teacher haha FTL.

Last Friday, I've got some papers back from the teachers and I scored 79% on Maths! Argh, might as well punch me in the face, that's another percent to A! And then I scored 36% on my history papers 1 and 2 so I would need another 14% on my paper 3 to pass. How can this be? History is one of the subjects I have to pass and so I need to work way way harder.

That's all I've got so far.

Oh oh oh! Sarah told me about a scholarship to UK for Business, and I need 7A's or A+'s on my SPM trial exam! And then send off my results and wait.

I'm gonna work really hard then. That means no more extracurricular activities for me.

Wish me luck!