Things People Say #1

I just went home from the dentist to find that a bar if chocolate that I bought especially to comfort myself had disappeared from the fridge.

Me : Did you guys eat my chocolate?!?!

Big brother : Yeap.

Me : Why are you guys doing this to me?!

*flops on bed in the most dramatic way possible

Big brother : If it makes you feel better, it tasted very very nice.

Christmas Of 2012

Merry Christmas and a happy new year!!

23rd December 2012

The day my dad announced that we would paint his family house.

I wore my new favorite shirt that day and a splatter of paint got on it! Haiya, I mourn the loss of perfection in the shirt...


The long process of painting the living room walls and ceiling. Its actually quite fun that the whole family pitches in and and we gossip about other people lol.

And my uncle's wine bottle collection was polished and arranged nicely!


I think this looks really cool so I will add that into my things to decorate my house with when I grow up.

When I grow up, I'll definitely try to learn how to drink wine. I used to think that drinking wine (or beer or any alcoholic drinks) is just like drinking water but apparently, no. Its more complicated because I can't even take a sip without getting dizzy lol. But 'my people' (lol) are supposed to be experts in drinking, so I guess its in my genes (?).

Then when the men took over the painting of the ceilings, I went downstairs to make some cookies! And I quite failed at even that.

Sigh, I remember the good old times when I was younger and I used to follow my aunt to kampung extra early because I missed my cousin, Nono and I really liked being in kampung then. Eventhough I always get annoying rashes and excessive mosquito bites, I still loved being in my hometown!

Anyway, there was a time when I loved to make traditional cookies! Yeah I know, me, Crystal Sarah, loving being in the kitchen? Unbelievable? Believe it lol.

I used to love the feeling of the dough and adding egg to the thingy and rolling the kuih makmur into little tiny balls and then smiling over how delicate it is. Then I would have the fun of eating half of the cookies myself and stab anyone in the eyes with a fork if they dare deny that its delicious.

But this time, no. I keep messing up like the dough breaks in my hands and I didn't put enough nuts in or something. Haiya! I'm losing my woman touch! Who would wanna marry me now?!

Anyway, people were probably eating some form of chemicals from my hands because I was painting before that. But its okay! Because the body will expel those kinds of things anyway right? Or if not and I get cancer...... Oh crap.

Anyway, it was soon midnight so I went to my mom's famil house to sleep. It was a peaceful sleep and no allergic reactions so yay!

Oh ya!! Earlier that day, I saw this new kitteh and its a siamese cat!


Its adorable!!!!! But so lazy.... I like kittehs with more life and energy to them.

24th December 2012
Its Christmas Eve!!!!!

I woke up quite late. Actually not so late la, at 8am but for me thats late. I usually wake up around 5 or 6am if I go to sleep in my usual time. Then I just stared at the ceiling for half an hour and listened to cocks cock a doodling outside. Its quite therapeutic.

Then I got up, folded my mattress and sweeped the living room and then played with the kittehs, watched some youtube vids. Digi only charges RM4 for a week of internet!

Then when I couldn't stand the slow internet and lack of social interraction, I walked over to my dad's house where I played with Gabby, my niece!



Aww, lil Gabby looking so chinese. Cause she is half chinese!

And and and shes so delicate! And she laughs at the smallest things like I said "Goo goo ga ga!!" and she giggled.

And her brother who is 4 years old is so cute also! Yet so stubborn. I love to annoy him as well.

Like my brother and I were going to my mom's family house.

Him : Uncle! Where are you going?!
Big Brother : I'm going back to my spaceship.

And like when he was playing with Sam the Cat ad Sam hissed at him..

Me : Nah, see! Don't touch my cat anymore. *deluded
Him : Nooo la! Sam is my cat! See he likes me! *equally deluded
Me : What no!! (pats Sam and she closed her eyes). See!
Him : No! Sam is mine! *picks up Sam and runs away

And he has the genuine Chinese/Singapore accent!! Hahahha! I love him! One of the few kids I actually love.

Then it was time for church and there were a few guessing games! Like guess how many beans are in the bottle and what item is inside a box. My cousin spent RM 10 to bet like, 6 times on every game. But she won none lol, so sad. Oh well, its for charity to the church also so why not have fun in the process.

Then it was church time and after that there were the presents exchange and I got a potato peeler!!!! I've been meaning to get one and its such a useful present compared to the one I gave... which was a crappily wrapped container..

Then I went home, watched a few movies with my cousins, read a book (I'm going through every Julia Quinn's books) and passed out from exhaustion.

25th December 2012
I woke up and immediately got ready for church again and went to church with a cardigan on because it was so cold in the morning here and I didn't think about how hot it was going to get. Its like a dessert here, super cold at night, and super hot in the morning. And its not even a humid kind of hot. Its like a really dry, wanna die of heat stroke kind of hot. I dislike Malaysian weather.

Then, there was a potluck after church which is amazing!! And my sister and her boyfriend came from KK and it was so fun to watch the boyfriend being grilled by family members!

I ate crab which makes me feel slightly itchy (I think its the crab, not confirmed yet) but I live in the dangerous side. Badass.

Then we went home and watched some thailand horror movies over some fizzy drinks and kampung biscuits lol. We watched 4bia 2 and the last movie was soooo funny! Then when we were done watching done, we went to Labui which was 10 minutes away and went to my dad's eldest brother's house.

And I think this is a really amazing fact, they have 13 kids! The eldest is maybe close to 40 and the youngest is my age, 16. And the eldest grandchild is 13 years old! Like wow...

There, I stayed for a while at their house till a cousin of mine brought me to go christmassing and yeah it was fun. It made me relive my crush which I had a long time ago named Donnes.

A long time ago (6 years to be exact) I went to church at Labui and after church there was a potluck. And then suddenly this boy asked me if I knew karate, which was quite random. But I said yes, why? I don't know, I did.

Then we went to a secluded part of the church (so dangerous because there was only me and Nono (my cousin) and there was a gang of them) so I could show them my karate skills. Obviously, I don't have any skills to show, so I just ran to Mia (an older cousin), and told her they were bullying me. And Mia scolded them and I got away wth.

I was a bitch ya la I know.

Then a few months later, Nono told me he had a crush on me, and I saw him and we played on a bicycle and ya la, we never saw each other since that day.

Until I saw a picture of him on christmas day and I give him a 7/10 rating on his looks. And I heard he's a nice guy too!

Haiya, puberty has been kind to him and yet....

Okay back to my christmas!

On one of the houses we visited, I saw this indon series where these girls say double everything and it gave me diarrhea. Then just as shit was about to be shat, we took our leave and went back to Nono's house and then I went home where I found that my brother and sister and her boyfriend went back to KK. Haiya, no christmas spirit at all!

Then I took a bath and watched more movies and retired to my mattress.

Well, that was my christmas! I hope you guys have a great christmas too and if it just wasn't that happening, theres always next year lol.

And guess what? THE EARTH DIDN'T END!

My sister probably feels stupid now hehehehe. She even stock up on canned food.

A Very Miserable Christmas

For the first time in my life, I am very happy to be miserable on Christmas time!

By miserable I mean Les Miserables because I just watched it!!!! And to all my friend who I promised to watch it with, if you're on, I'm on. Can always watch it twice ma!

I'm not going to say anything because I am considerate to those who haven't watched it.

But I knew how the story goes already so I wasn't really surprised by the story.

Oh and I'm really upset because there was an awkward sex scene!! And there were annoying boys laughing at the dramatic parts agh!!

Stupid la! Seriously ruined my whole movie.

But I feel so light and airy right now and my heart is so full of love! A heart full of song. I'm doing everything all wrong lol.

Ok la I can't keep my thoughts to myself I have to talk about it!

Fantine's I dreamed a see was like meh... So teary. Eponine was so flirty in the movie! Like how she looks at Marius and how she smiles at him.

I kinda like Cosette more in the movie.

Ok la! I won't speak about it anymore for now. Maybe next week I shall unleash my fandom.

Story Time Again

Balance has once again been restored for I have gone shopping even if its just for a brief moment of time. I bought this top which I have been lusting for for the longest time (two months to be exact) and it costs RM 32.90.





And here is I wearing it. I think it will look good with yellow pants or dark jeans. Actually I think it will go with anything la, its very versatile.

I think I may have passed my cardigan phase because I'm growing quite tired of it already. Every time I go out, 90% of the time I will be wearing a cardigan.

I am now into cutesy "Korean" fashion!



Like this! Sort of like the one I just bought. The only thing that I can't work with are the cold weather outfits and its really cold there so its like 40% winter fashion.

Speaking of Korea, I haven't gotten any news of how Ben and Elvena did there. Did we win? Did we not win? :D Ah! Can't wait to find out!

Now I will go to the real purpose I am writing this which is story of back when my granddad died.... All bow their heads...

Well, for the funeral, a lot of people came to the house immediately when they found out. Maybe even the whole village.

I slept really late the first night because there were so many things to do and a lot of people were downstairs to talk to so I woke up really grouchy the next morning. It didn't help that I was forced awake.

Then, I saw a boy around my age a few feet from me just waking up and I don't know who he was lol. To clear up any uh... misunderstanding, everybody slept at the upstairs living room, on mattresses.

So I stared at him in a sleepy looking way until I realised that it was rude to stare. So I got up, folded my mattress and soon, I could whisper to ask where was the towel.

And throughout the process of getting ready, I passed the boy a lot of times and I tried to be freindly because he must be one of my cousins or something but he seemed kinda distant somehow.

Anyway, the whole day of the funeral, I didn't see him and completely forgot about him. I thought he was just someone's son who helped with the house or something. Or maybe his dad was too drunk to drive so they stayed the night.

Then! My uncle came into the living room late at night while some of my cousins and siblings were chilling and asked us if we saw the boy and this is where I learn that he was MISSING! Gasp!

Apparently he is from Sipitang or somewhere equally far and he and his dad came here to pay their respect for my granddad. I got mixed info about his age but its either 16 like me or 25 like my brother. I think he looks 16. And he got some kind of problem in school and had to quit school. So maybe he is 25 dunno la. And he is one of my distant cousins so they lived in the house for a while.

And then the whole night, my dad and uncles went out looking for him. I don't remember why we didn't call the police for help. I thnk there was that thing where 24 hours has to pass before you can report a missing person.

At around 1am, my brother woke up and went downstairs to use the toilet and I hurried downstairs after him to use it first lol. And then when I went outside, I saw my dad's car pull up and the kid was back yay! All safe and sound.

My brother went out and we asked Daddy to dish out the gossip and the only thing he told me was that that kid's dad was very very very angry... hmph... Men. Got no gossip bone.

And not only that! My dad drove all the way to Sipitang or wherever it is the boy lived and got the rest of his family which were his sisters and baby brother.

Then I went upstairs to tell my aunts about it and we got their mattress ready for them and soon enough, I got the rest of the gossip.

Apparently, the boy stupidly went into the forest behind the house to get some reception (theres no reception in the house) on his phone and he got lost and tried to walk back home. And by home, its his home not my family's house. He walked about 20km in the dark when my dad found him. And not even by bus, HE WALKED. Wa. Da. Fa? He could've been kidnapped or murdered or raped OMG how can he do something so careless???  Thank goodness la we found him! And the father was too afraid to tell my family what happened because he thinks he would just trouble us. Silly eh, we would obviously help.

That's just gossip la of course, could be true, could be not.

Then, the young people of the house got blamed because we made the boy feel unwelcome and that was partly the reason he ran away... Pffft. So the next day, I tried hard to be welcoming to them. And the baby was the only one that responded to my welcomeness. T__T

Haih, I wish I had been more brave and made friends with them. They are my cousins after all. Maybe they'll come for christmas or something and wecoul paint each other's nails and we could talk about our lives and with the boy I could ask him why he ran away yada yada yada. The boy is quite cute also la, not that I would do anything about that. Ehem.

I'm not that kind of girl.
 

Shit!!!!

Oh crap oh crap oh crap. I'm in serious deep crap now.

I lost the attendance list of st johns ambulance meeting on October and i might as well just commit suicide now.

Oh crap oh crap oh crap.

I SERIOUSLY FEEL LIKE FLINGING SHIT AT MY MOM BECAUSE SHE THREW IT AWAY!

I know that's a horrible thing to say but thats exactly what i want to do.

I want to fling shit at myself actually.

Omg omg omg what to do? God I beg you to somehow help me make things right

I already fished te dam list from the trash once and im not doin jt gain. Especially not if its asked in ih rotten food but i m really desperate....

Too Much Exclamation Marks

Bite my tongue because Les Miserables is so close within my grasp!

I was already on a high when I just finished watching Raising Hope season 2 so I looked for interviews of Lucas Neff on youtube and one of those annoying 30 seconds ad on the video started playing and it was Les Miserables' ad!!!

Its like God is giving me a sign that my life will change forever once I watch this!

Haiya now that I think about it, filling up forms for school next year is such a silly thing to do every year. But, oh well! Next year is my last year of secondary school! Better cherish my time filling up my secondary school form because University forms must be so much more complicated.

Friends!! I miss you guys so much! I really can't wait to meet you guys once school reopens!

I'll write more later la.

The Hobbit

Huahh! I jutst watched The Hobbit just now and it was 3 hours of epicness!

I've never been a big Lord Of The Rings fan because Gollum freaks me out and gives me nightmares. And I don't understand the first few minutes of the first movie back when I first saw it which was a long time ago so I wasn't interested in the rest of the trilogy.

I tried reading the book which was equally tedious so I stamped the whole thing as just a chore.

Up till now, I still don't know what does the line 'You shall not pass' mean or who is Gandalf The White or Gandalf The Grey is or if Frodo and that other hobbit is gay because it really seems like it. Or even why the ring is so addicting.

But now that I've watched The Hobbit, my eyes have been opened to a whole new magical and beautiful world! The movie was really beautiful and funny and sad and making me go on the borderline of crazy when epic fighting scenes happen.

This is exactly what I thought of Harry Potter before I read it. That it was boring and the usual stuffy english movie.

So, I'm going to read J.R.R Tolkien's books or at least try to because I don't want to miss out on LOTR. It seems like a really fun world to disappear into.

Then I'm going to try watching the movies and not run away at the sight of Gollum.

My precious.... My pretty... Shall we eat some fish today, precious? I think anyone would recognize the quote "My precious" right?

Prepare for lots of LOTR references from now on..

Now, about the movie.

Its definitely my type of movie! Funny, witty, no annoying characters and epic fight scenes. Bravo.

I love that there were no sex scenes and no form of romance at all. After all, it is an adaptation of the book. Twilight saga sucked a lot because of the excessive make out sessions and touchy. But maybe that's all the movie was about. Back to The Hobbit...

There were only probably 10 people in the theatre so I comfortably stretched away from my family and sat down like a Mak Cik using up two seats to make myself comfy. Only when Gollum appeared that I scurried back to my brother's side.

I really can't say anything much because if I spoil the movie for you then there won't be an element of suspense and suspense is a big part of the movie.

So I'm going to shut up about it and I really really recommend the movie to all the fantasy geeks out there. Of course though, if you are a fantasy geek, I wouldn't even need to recommend it.

And if you're not into singing dwarves, ugly monsters, tiny people or don't want to marry elves then maybe this movie isn't for you.

And you and I can't be friends anymore.

Oh ya and theres a story of when I went out during the trailer to pee and the guy at the counter taking care the 3D glasses talked to me asking for my brothers number. FML.

Haha, turns out, he was my brothers friend back at their secondary school days. I didn't have my brother's number at that time but the guy still insisted.

So I said search on Facebook since everyone is on Facebook nowadays but he said he doesn't go online much. He expects me to believe that?

In the end, I gave him my little brother's number which I thankfully memorized.

After the movie, I told my brother about it and it turns out that they're not really close friends.

Why so desperate to get my brother's number eh? Something smells fishy....

Fears

Everybody got fears right? I got millions of fears so I thought I could list my top 3.

1. Fear of failing in life.
This is why I'm so obsessed about figuring out the future. Oh update! I'm also considering opening my own business.

Anyway, I'm mildly competitive and when I become mildly competitive, I get mean. Lol, and its not even my self evaluation eh! People actually tell me upfront that I am a bitch in competitions which I take seriously.

So I actually get competitive with my cousins because I want to be the best among them but its not easy. They are the kind people that go to Europe and other famous oversees places to study... on scholarship some more! Becoming engineers and such how to beat? By becoming smarter and richer of course! Wadafa.

Have to beat have to beat have to beat have to win have to win have to win.

2. Fear of criticism.
When I do something or meet people or talk to a large group of people and I'm feeling particularly unconfident that day, I'd spend the whole day thinking if people are criticising me.

But now I know, that the person who critisizes me is myself and if people to critisize me, then its constructive criticism.

But I'd still blog crap about them if they critisize me lol.

3. Fear of rejection.
I've only confessed my feelings to one boy in my life and got rejected ngaw. But nevermind! It doesn't matter. It's great blogging substance lol.

I also fear being rejected like when I lose in some competitions but nevermind la, failure is the first step to success and often is the hardest step to get by. And its nice to know that I'm on my way up the ladder :D

Learn from failure and all that right?

Going Crazy Thinking About This

OH MY... People can track who view their profiles on facebook. Well, there goes my stalking.

I've always been obsessed with what I want to do in the future.

I've also taken multitudes of career tests and its bullshit. So inaccurate...

Nothing fits my criterias! Which are --

1. AMAZING pay. I want to be rich. I don't care how horrible that makes me sound, almost everyone wants to be rich.
2. Its gotta be something I can see myself being happy with.
3. I don't want to study too long for it. Some occupation needs years of studying and internships.
4. I want to be proud of what I'm doing. So for me, that would be something like superwoman lol. No, actually, I really want to contribute to society and the world somehow.

Not such a long list at all.

I actually thought about becoming a surgeon or psychiatrist because its what my parents want and society will look at me like *gasp! and people always look down on me because of the way I act. I know I can do it if I really want to but I don't want to lol. I can't see myself being happy.

Oh ya, you guys should check here here to find out your personality types. I think I'm an Idealist  (INFP type).

Anyway, I've done some researching (okay, googling) and here are the careers which I think I may like.

1. Writer
I would LOVE to write in a woman's magazine about beauty, relationships and all that jazz! The pay is a median of RM 169,031 (55420 USD) a year. The workplace is an office and there will be a lot of competition because these kinds of jobs are always popular. And I love writing! Plus, with writing, I can definitely help people with their problems especially with young teens, I would love doing that! However, the job outlook is kinda slow and I would really have to be a top-knotch writer.

2. Zoologist
I've always wanted to work with animals and I feel that animals are in need of more help as time passes. The annual pay is RM 175,161 (57,430 USD) a year. Its definitely a messy job and I'm not sure if I can tolerate that and again, it has a slow career outlook. But I'm sure its a satisfying job and one of the jobs I'll be really, really proud to tell people. Hey mommy! Today I saved a leopard!

3. Veterinarian
Again its with animals. The pay is great! RM 250,222 (82,0410 USD) anually. Career outlook is much faster than average too! Imagine there is a scale of science careers. Surgeons being in the clouds. And Biotech researchers like my sister being on the ground. And jobs like lab assistants in primary school being 1000 feet underwater. Veterinarians are in the clouds so its going to be really really hard. By the way, I don't know if the scale is really true, its what my sister says.

And if I were too really base my career on what I truly love, and nothing about pay or career outlook....

 4. Zoo curator
Curators are the people who oversee all the animal aspects in the zoo. Like their diets, husbandry, health and all that. They also oversee the educators, veterinarians and keepers. Basically, they keep the zoo animals in check. Pay is a median of RM 148,840 (48,800 USD) but its on of those jobs that pays higher with experience. Job outlook is bad so I would have to work really hard.

5. Blogger
Need I say more? This is my dream job! But people keep saying, no, it will never happen and I'm afraid, what if it doesn't happen for me. But I would choose this job if money and position wasn't important to me lol. I love blogging! I love writing about myself and what I do and I like the thought of everything recorded nicely even if it is online.

So, I'm still clueless of what my future holds. Maybe I'll be World's Greatest Writer or the Curator Who Changed the World wth.

Haha, if you have any idea if something I haven't listed would suit me, or if any of the jobs I've listed is great for please please PLEASE let me know because I'm going crazy thinking about this. Or tell me about your dream job and how you found it because I really want to know.

I know you readers are out there! *point fingers

I could be a careers counsellor from all this obsession with careers.

Random Essay

The sun dazzled my eyes as he and I sat together under the shade of an apple tree. I dared a glance at him, and as usual, my breath was taken away by a mysterious force. His eyes were closed as he reveled in the crisp morning air. His ebony hair was blown back, away from his face, accentuating the tranquil aura that seemed to encompass every fibre of his being. He was laying back against the green grass, his hands behind his head and it took everything for me to look away.

It is at these quessant times, when I can let myself go and forget about the rest of the world and its properness, etiquette and manners. When I can let my hair go if I want to. When I can run and dance however and whenever. When I can eat with my fingers if I wish. But for now, I am perfectly idyllic with just watching the leaves fall beside Mathias.

"What are you thinking?" he murmurred lazily. I turned my head to see him boring his obsidian eyes into me.

What am I thinking? I'm thinking of how we first met when we were five years old. He was the son to the new mechanic working on my family estate. I saw him while I was having a picnic with my dolls under the very apple tree we were sitting under right now. I was just pouring some imaginary iced tea into a miniscule teacup when an apple dropped on top of my head making me yelp and while rubbing my head, I raised my head to the sky and saw a boy up on the tree.

"Who are you?" I called up to this mysterious boy, squinting my eyes against the rays of the sun. I could only see his silhouette as he crouched on a branch.

"Name is Mathias. What's yours?" he replied warily.

"Crystal. Come down from there," I said... And he did. I didn't know what to do with him, so I simply said, "Want to play with me?"

After a few seconds of contemplating my offer, he approached me and crossed his legs on the blanket I laid out. I gave a small smile, and he returned it with his own. That was the day I made my first friend.

"I'm just thinking of how we met. It was such a long time ago," I replied to his question.

"Yes, life would be very different if I wasn't on that tree that day," he said. His chuckle sounded like bells tinkling in the breeze as he sat up to look in the horizon with me.

"I wouldn't trade that day for anything," I said wistfully.

"And neither would I," he said it, almost as a faint whisper.

I was enchanted by his words and was surprised when I felt his rough palm on my cheek and his soft lips pressed across mine. It took me so by surprise that I couldn't even breathe let alone have to ability of speech. However, languidly, I responded to his kiss and drew back, touching my lips as if it was never there.

"I'm sorry," he said while shaking his head. "I've wanted to do that for the longest time."

"That was... unexpected.." Biting my lips, I was silently exuberant of the feeling. I shivered and my cheeks were suffused by the blood rushing through my face. This was the day I have been waiting for! This was the beginning of a new chapter of my life. This was--

"This was a mistake," he sighed and got up to leave.

"Excuse me, WHAT?" I said hoarsely, my fantasy crashing like a fragile crystal orb on the cold floor.. "A mistake? You kissed me, and we both liked it, how could it be a mistake?" I hysterically rambled but he continued his stride back to his home, the barn.

I ran after him, though it was a challenge in my long dress and the fear that someone sees me outside but through sheer determination, I caught up to him and forced him to look at me. "Why?" I demanded.

Running his hands through his hair, he explained. "I overheard your father and mother talking about your bethrothel to Sir Simon. You would be a countess, like you have always wanted. We can't ever be together." The bloody arse couldn't even bear to meet my desperate eyes, which were in hysterics trying to find something in his.

"I've never wanted that! Don't worry, I'll talk to mother and father. No, they won't force me to do this. Please..just don't leave me" I begged him, wet pearls threatening to fall on my cheeks.

Taking a deep breath, he said, "Meet me tonight, in the garden." Taking my hand, he brought it up to his lips and gave a single fluttering kiss upon my trembling fingers, and left.

Tearing my gaze away his retreating silhouette, I turned on my heels and stormed into the house to meet my father.

I wrote this and I'll give this essay a C because the storyline is bad and there's not much expressions.

Kitteh

(5th Dec 2012)

 

Quite a productive week for me. Here are the things that went through my week.

1. Drunk people are scary

I don't like it when people lose control on their soberness.. its scary.
 

And just now, my uncle passed out on the spot where I laid out a mattress nicely and sneezed all over it. I am still considerably pissed at that. Harrumph.. I ended up sleeping on the hard ground.

2. Children hate me

And I hate them. But secretly, I seek their approval. Like my nephew, Mason cried whenever I'm in a 2 feet radius from him. Bu my other nephew, Ashraff likes me. And my newborn niece, Gabriella seems to like me too!

But I love Gabby's brother, McCain the most because I can bully him as much as I want and he will always forgive me. Last week, I made him cry by tellin him my little brother doesn't want to see him.

3. Awkward family conversations

During the time I'm in kampung, I don't even want to try to have mindlessly small talk with my cousins. There's really nothing to talk about because they're all either working or in university. I'm the youngest girl in my mom's side of the family.

Beside, they probably think I'm stupid because of my lack of survival skills and common sense and abundance of social awkwardness.

4. I gotta hold my bowel movement around here

And that is because there is a shortage of water around here. And I like to know that I am able to clean my ass with ease.

Its almost midnight now and people are still drunk downstairs.

5. I really can't sleep

6. Im running out of topics to write about.

7. Look at this hen and her eggs!!

I didn't know a hen could lay so many eggs.

 

I was really tempted to steal an egg and bring it home so I can have a pet chicken. Then I remembered the turd part.

 

And now, I'm too lazy to write....

 

(7th  Dec 2012)

Look at all the rambutans I can't reach to eat!

 



 

Look at all the durians that fell from the durian tree behind the house! For those people who never tasted durian, no, it doesn't taste like rotten onions. I don't know what these orang putih mean when they say a durian tastes and smells foul. I LOVE IT!!!

Look at the kitteh that can't decide whether she loves me or hates me! Her name is Becky the Kitteh.

 



Look at the hen and its babies that are getting uglier by the day! Small fluffy newly hatched chicks are cuter.

 

But the outcome is the same anyway. They're gonna get eaten.

 

 

And here is a video for your entertainment of my Big Brother, Big Sister, Little Brother and me bullying Becky the Kitteh and her mom, Blacky The Catteh. Big Sister was telling my little brother that he should go to Sunday School early. And the lady at the end talking to me is Becky the Kitteh's owner, my aunt.

 

Yeah I know.

 

We're badasses.

 



Till Next Time

Something big happened in my life.

On wednesday morning, my grandfather died and my family rushed to Beaufort almost immediately. I just got back at midnight on Saturday and I am going back there again tomorrow.

Yes, I cried.

Yes, I'm sad.

Yes, I'll blog less now.

Yes, I'm okay.

I don't know if I should blog about this, in detail I mean.

Anyway, I'm going to be out of town a lot, and so that means you'll hear less of me.

Bye bye.

Till next time then.

Faith In Humanity... and Dragon Age

 

This video made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. And I hope it'll make you feel warm and fuzzy too!

FAITH IN HUMANITY RESTORED!

I don't really experience much compassion from strangers before.

Like when I first started my swimming lessons, I idiotically and unknowingly commited suicide by jumping into the deep part of the swimming pool and I don't know why, but I sank to the bottom. I don't know if that is possible in matters of physics (the sinking part), but that was my memory of it. So either nobody saw a little girl in a purple tutu swimsuit jump into the pool and didn't float back up, or nobody cared enough to help. Anyway, happy ending, my dad saw me and stuck his hand into the pool which I grabbed and he pulled me up. Thankfully, I wasn't traumatised of swimming. So, lesson learnt.

And there was this one case where an old woman was asking for help and nobody wanted to help her. Sad no? Until a young man helped her cross the road, sparing his time and energy and compassion to help her. Sweet? Then the old woman sued him for molesting her in order to get money. I don't know who the good guy is in this story though. Up to you to decide.

But I do know a little bit compassion.

Like when I was a little girl (again) and I lost one of my colour pencils, and my teacher made the whole class search for it.

And when I got lost as a little girl (again) because the lift closed a little too early and I got separated from the rest of my family in Centre Point and I was all alone in this basement. Until two men came along and just walked past me!! But I said with a tremor in my voice that I was lost and they helped me find my mom. I'll just take that as compassion.

Now that I think about it, most of my deep crap moments are when I was a little girl. Not to say that I never experience deep crap moments now, I do. Like that time I accidentally sent a teacher's laptop crashing to the floor.

On a completely different topic, I am spending my mornings playing computer games!

Right now I am waiting for Big Brother to go to sleep so I can steal his laptop away. I have been waiting since 2 am and its 3.40 am now!!!

*8 hours later*

Okay, I'm done playing Dragon Age 2 for now. I did take a couple hours of break in between, okay.

I sort of finished the first Dragon Age game a few days ago. And I say sort of because I got heartbroken by a fictional character and am too pissed off to see that ass' face again. And all because I made him king and he can't marry me because I am a commoner. Oh well, let the ugly darkspawn (thats what the monsters are called in the game) eat him.

 

 

I even found a gif of him breaking up with my character!!

I can't believe that I am sad because a character out of a game broke up with me. Well, thats the only lovey dovey action I'm gonna get for now. Haha.

Anyway, now I have moved on! Because in Dragon Age 2 (the sequel.. obviously) there is another character called Fenris.


 

As you can see from the ears, he is an elf. Wadafa.

 
Much, much better than Alistair.

Hahaha, say hello to my new fantasy crush. Screw you Alistair!!! Have fun ruling your bloody kingdom I gave you!!

Geez, am I really going on about my fictional crushes?

Yikes, I need to get out more often.

No you know what?

I like being single! And delusional! And a teeny tiny bit psycho.

*slither back to laptop to continue playing....


**Update**

Ok so lets set something straight....Alistair slept w/ dogs, was left to rot at the chantry, was told he was a nothing better than a bastard, and no one but Duncan was nice to him....then my super hot Dalish elf comes along.....Yeah she has a chip on her shoulder because humans treat her kind like a second class citizen....maybe being treated like crap is something they have in common....Alistair is so scarred to lead, that he puts my chick in front and forces her to take charge...She deals w/ the teams constant complaining....treason in some cases.....but manages to keep everyone in line and save there ass in every quest...She saves the family that gave Alistair every personlity disorder he has....She tells him "I like you for you, not for you blood".....She holds his hand when his hopes of having a family are crushed by his materialistic **** sister......He watches as the one he so called "loves" saves the world.....puts kings on thrones....and makes sure every team members personal life is sorted out....did I mention he watched as she jumped on top of a dragon and slayed the shapshifter Flemeth?....then comes the landsmeet.....she is willing to forgive Logain his treachery, enslavement of her people, and constant assasination attempts, but instead gives her "love" the justice he seeks for a dead brother he never had a relationship with, and for poisoning a man that treated a little boy as a duty w/ out reverance to his feelings or personal trials.....but most of all she gave Alstair justice for Duncan.....then after telling him over and over that he will make a good king she places him on the throne....Then what does he do?....he says she's not a noble and cant be his wife....then he storms in and tells her ( in front of EVERYONE) that she cant make babies and suddenly everything that he always scoffed at and never wanted is so important that they cant have a happy ending unless she wants to be whore.....hmmm.....Who cares about Blood now?.....Logain was right....Alistair is Emmon's puppet.....and Morrigan you were right....He's a complete Idiot...

Wahahahhaah!!! I found this in a forum when I typed Alistair is an asshole. Made me laugh!!

Breaking Dawn, Part 2

Wahahahhaha!!!! This was funny.

I watched Breaking Dawn Part 2 today!!! I was so ready to mindlessly hate it (Robert Pattinson's quote) but I ended up loving it!

I won't ruin it for you if you haven't seen it, so highlight the text if you don't mind spoilers.

Kristen Stewart got better at acting!
When I watched the first twilight movie, I kept on vomiting inside my mouth out of frustration of her lack of expressions. But now I guess there are more expressions to potray and I love it! You can definitely understand when things are supposed to be funny or sad or sarcastic.

Couldn't say the same for Edward though. He sucked.

The plot isn't the same as the book!!!! How can? I like it!
When Carlisle died, I was horrified and upset. How can you kill off the kindest man in the book?!! How dare they? Then when Jasper died, I was on the edge of my seat! And when Seth was crushed, my mouth hung open. Then when Jane was literally thrown to the wolves, I was smiling in glee. Hehe, screw you Jane!

But then it turned out that all the killing and dying was just Alice's vision. Haha, got me there! I love it! Its not the same as the book and that's a nice change.

I hated the sex/kissing scenes.
I'd rather they put more effort on the plot than waste precious minutes on Edward and Bella kissing. Seriously, we get it! They love each other to death. And its just glimpses of skin here and there, its so frustrating! Its useless to put such things in an otherwise great movie! And its awkward how my mom is just sitting next to me. Its also awkward to know the amount of couples making out in the theatre.

But I loved watching all the beautiful vampires! Its so fun to see their face structure and figure out what makes them so beautiful.

Dakota Fanning was a good actress in the movie too. She didn't say much, but I hated Jane. I was so happy when Alice killed her.

But it was such a nice twist to the whole thing! ITS SO OVERRATED THAT IT IS NOW UNDERRATED!!! GENIUS OR NOT?!

You win this time director!

So yeah, I loved it! Best twilight movie ever! I know how people say its gay or whatever and I agree for the second, third and fourth movie. But this is different! It made the whole audience go gasp!

But I'd rather watch the movie by myself at home. These people in the cinema are so easily humored. They laugh at leaves falling... seriously.

So I'll definitely buy the DVD and watch it by myself at home while eating maggi. Yeah, thatll be nice and undistracting.

I FRIGGIN LOVE SHOPPING RAWRRRR!

Aaaah, balance to the world has been restored for I have gone shopping!

On Sunday, after church I went to City Mall with Mia, my cousin and our aunt. I only brought RM 20 because I am strictly not going to spend like a maniac anymore. So all I bought was Vaseline which costs RM 4.50 and 2 pairs of earrings for my mom's birthday which costs RM 13.

I really love sparkly rhinestones. But my ears aren't pierced so I don't buy earrings which is just as well because if I did, they'd be all over the house.

And then Mia bought me some croissants! I have never eaten one before this and it was like heaven singing inside my mouth. Its only RM 5 for 5 pieces but the guy selling them was so nice, he gave us an extra one so each of us can have 3!! Just the advantages of being cute, hehe.

And I saw lots of my friends on City Mall but couldn't be bothered to walk over and say hi because I'm lazy like that. And shy, but mostly lazy.

Then we bought a cake which the best aunt in the world paid for and we went back home.

At home, I savoured my croissants and Mia taught me to play the guitar! Right now, I'm learning how to play Safe and Sound by Taylor Swift and I think I'm getting the hang of it. But still kinda noob la of course because I don't have the dedication to practice.

It hasn't been a couple of hours when my aunt asked us if we wanted to go to 1 Borneo. Are you kidding me, YES! And this time, the beast inside me came out and I brought RM 200 out. I have no self control T__T

But thats okay, I didn't even spend up to RM 20!

I spent RM 5.50 for some peppermint milky tea and waffles and RM 8.70 for a pastel pink nail polish from Etude House and thats it! I was very very very tempted to buy some useless crap but I held my ground and my pockets didn't pay the price (punny or not?).

I love it! But I took it off after a while because I wanna wait for my nails to grow out a little bit more.

Then we were going home and just happened to pass VOIR where there is a huge sale up to 70% off!!! AMAZING OR AMAZING??

The last time I went to the VOIR sale, Caroline and Carlin bought a pair of mint green shorts for RM 40 or 50. And I remember the feeling of green envy over these mint green shorts (I am so punny today) and of course I don't want to miss the oppurtunity again.

So I searched for some pastel pink pants, long pants so I can where them to church and I found one hot pink pants that costs RM 120 and it is only on a 50% discount. So that is still RM 60... Then I found a pastel pink one but it had no price tag on it so I assumed it was very, very expensive because thats their tactic, you see. You expect it to be an 'okay' price and only find out about the ridiculous price at the counter. By then, your girly pride and ego wouldn't want to be shamed so you buy it anyway. Or maybe thats just me.

Then I searched and searched and searched FOR 3 HOURS for other clothing that would take my mind off of those pair pink pants and to no avail... it seems nothing can calm my raging thirst for it.

In the end, just as we were going to pay, I gave in and snatched the second last pair of pastel pink pants. And at the counter I found out it was only around RM 100! So that is RM 50, because it was 50% off. NOPE LOL. It was 70% off that day because it was the last day of the sale! *jumpinjoy

 

I LOVE IT SO MUCH!!!

Then we went home, ate cake and I did my nails and went to sleep.

Seeing, the cake makes me wanna eat more. It's cheesecake with cranberry and strawberries on top. The price is ridiculous for a cake, I won't even mention it.

Songs For My Funeral

Songs for my funeral :

Fuck You by Lily Allen for all the people I hate in life. Like A#1, some of my teachers, ants, hot weather and probably some people who were mean to me. This song should be the first one played as the last laugh by me! "Hahaha, its great to be away from you suckers!!" would be the message I'll convey. "Don't keep in touch"

Gomenasai by T.A.T.U for all my friends that I've been unfair to. I don't have any feuds with friends right now (thank God) but maybe some people out there might have a misconception of our friendship. And I would be very scared in the afterlife I'd imagine. So its always less scary with friends"Gomenasai till the end. I never needed a friend like I do now"

Thank You For Loving Me by Bon Jovi for my family! Because despite the teasing and mean things, there are more of the good things than bad. Like a 1:2 ratio. "When I couldn't fly, oh you gave me wings"

This Is Where I Belong by Bryan Adams because I hope I'll be buried here in Sabah. If I'm gonna fertilise any soil with my rotting body, it better be Sabahan soil!  "Under the starry skies, where eagles have flown. This place is paradise, its the place I call home." "Cause everything I want is everything thats here"

And of course, there should be a gospel song, right? And that would be Come Holy Spirit Fall On Me Now. This is my favorite song and I heard it once in Joy Club when I was 8 and I loved it ever since!

 

There would be no songs for my "significant other" (ew) because I have no "significant other". Ew ew ew, I can't find any word for boyfriend that wouldn't sound so disgusting. And coincientally, my favorite lines of each songs are on the preview of the vid.

 

 

By the way, I'm not dying. I did this just for giggles.

Itchy Skin

I've just finished reading a book called For Darkness Shows The Stars by Diana Peterfeund. 3 stars. It didn't make me go *gasp!!!* except for the ending but it did have a nice twist!

Anyway, I was staring at the cover and I hated how flawless the girl on the cover of the book was. I just want to strangle that bloody skinny neck of hers and curse her for being so bloody perfect!

Which made me self conscious of my skin again. My darn bumpy, rough skin... sigh.

Which reminds me, a few days ago, I sitting around at my grandparent's home, when the biggest itch overcame me. It was like my whole body was being infested with lice and all my sensitive parts were itching like mad. So I took a bath for half an hour, scrubbing every crook and crany of my body with soap. Then rinsing. Then scrubbing myself all over again. I scrubbed for so long that my mom thought I died in there.

But alas, my grandparent's bathroom isn't the cleanest bathroom ever so no amount of scrubbing would make me feel thoroughly clean.

When I came out, my mom panicked a little because my skin was horribly red and bumpy. So, home I went with my dad and everything got a little better.

But then a few days ago, I was cleaning the store room and the itchiness came back, itchier than ever. I bathed 3 times and I still felt like my skin was infested with little bugs crawling around me and I shed a few tears. Geez, just remembering it makes my skin crawl.

So, I told my mom about it and we went to the pharmacy and bought a cream and pill for it. Apparently though, I was allergic to dust. Can you imagine it, DUST!! One of the most common things in the world. But all is well now that I have my pill and cream, yay!

But the damage has been done to my skin. Bloody scabs everywhere, its scary! And I'm still feeling itchy!

My face especially is horrific! Its red and bumpy and dry and I don't wanna put any facial products anymore because I'm scared it will cause further damage...

Which makes me think about giving away my beauty products for the price of RM 2 each and mind you, Most of the original price is like RM 50 ++. But I haven't decided yet la, becauseI'm afraid someone will get infected with what I have.

And currently, my family is going through some decluttering! So, I also want to sell my clothes for RM 2! I just gotta figure out how to ship it out and how to transfer money first, but that should be easy right? Haha, its still all talk and no doing. This plan of mine might not even be carried out. But it seems like such a shame to throw my clothes away! It feels like Toy Story 3 where Andy is throwing his toys away. Speaking of Toy Story 3, maybe I should just donate the clothes.

I'm Really Sad

I'm really really sad....

Because my dad scolded me for something I didn't do again.

I was happily starting eating my chicken rice which was damn yummy, when my dad came through the door and said to me..

Dad : Snap your fingers.
Me : *confused *snaps fingers
Dad : Did 20 cents come out? No kan. Pick up the 20 cents outside.

Then I went outside to search for the 20 cents.. search... search and search....

If Big Brother hadn't helped me search, I would've been there forever.

So I found the 20 cents and went to the kitchen to wash my hands and went back to the table.

I tried to eat a bite but my lips were already quivering so I took my plate, which was still full of chicken rice and dumped it in the trash.

Then I went up to wite this blog post because I feel like my dad hates me now because he's been really mean to me lately and I don't know why and I really wanna cry but I'm scared he will hear me and then scold me again.

But then I heard him being really nice to my little brother and I can't help feeling that its something I did that is wrong.

Or maybe I'm just being overly sensitive again.

Haiya, I really hope things like this will pass.

Boohoo emo posts begone lol.

As A Little Me

I was having dinner just now when my mum suddenly exclaimed what an adorable child I was, which I could do nothing else but agree.

So here are facts of Little Me.

When my little brother was a baby, I used to point my finger at his mouth and giggle every time he opens it. Then I would scream, 'Mummyyyyy! Baby wanna eat already!!' Then I would turn to my baby brother and say, 'Eat this first....' while stuffing a blanket into his mouth.

I used to be really gullible! My cousins used to say how a turkey makes the sound 'Turkey!' And not just simple clucking like a chicken.

And one day, my cousin and I was taking a walk, and we passed an unfruitful durian tree. She said that my uncle married two durian trees and the husband durian told the wife durian to not have children, so that's why te were unfruitful.

My mom told me women gave birth through the navel.... which I believed till I was 9 years old maybe.

When I was five years old, I swallowed a coin because I thought that it was cold so it was really yummy.

I found out about how people reproduce at the age of 11 when I asked my PJK teacher.

I wrote the same date everyday for my Chinese exercise books when I was in kindergarten. Seriously... I don't know what my mother was thinking to send me to a Chinese kindergarten. My English and Malay was bad and then have to learn Chinese again? All I knew then was 'wo ai ni'.

I used to go outside at night sitting beside the pond, under the mango trees at my old house. My family said that that was my creepy, melancholic phase.

I used to run outside to greet my sister when she came back from school by bus everyday.

I used to wear dresses! There was this dress my mom made and I really loved it. It was blue and white checkered.

I loved people touching my hair! So I always insisted that my aunt, cousin, sister or mother braid my had into small single braids just to prolong the grooming.

I was obsessed with colour pencils and I loved colouring. I used to spend hours just so that I colour only inside the lines. There's just something really fun about colouring.

I loved to make chains out of flowers.

You know how Asian children have gone through the Asian hairstylesio like the wok or bowl or helmet hairstyle? Well, I did when I was 5 years old. When I first went to a Chinese kindergarten.

I have been using the same blanket since I was 5 years old that the best aunt in the world hand stiched for me.



I had an over abundance of creativity that I developed a way of naming my pets. Meow Putih, Meow Hitam, Meow Kuning, Meow Kelabu, Fifi, and Fufu. And there was a phase where I adored Twilight and named two hamsters Carlisle and Esme. And there was also a hamster named Neo based on the movie Matrix but I ended up calling him Hammie anyway. Oh ya, and my most recent pet is a fish named Caramel.



Whenever we had art in class, I always drew a sunflower or a butterfly. And I remembered at Standard 1 I had straight A's, except for art.

I used to avoid vegetables at all costs. But now I love them because I always imagine the good they will do to my overall beauty!

I used to pretend I was a mermaid and pretended that I was swimming on the floor.

Big Sister used to say that I had fleas and bluffed me by pretending to kill them on my head. And I loved the feeling of people touching my head so I demanded that she do it while I am bathing everyday. Even when she finally told me that I didn't have fleas, I still wanted her to kill fleas on my head.

I liked to chase chickens and when I finally did catch one, I didn't want to let it go and cried when it slipped away.

I had fun playing Paint at my old PC.

My favorite pastime was either playing Snakes on my moms hand phone or catching fishes in the pond in my backyard.

I used to marvel at the stars back at my kampung and shone a flahslight to it to see it clearer. Then a man said that God would be angry if I did that so I cried and ran to my mum.

I used to hate taking a bath and back then, we didn't have a shower, just a pipe. So I took some baby powder and applied it all over my skin especially my leg. And I applied it for maybe half an hour until my leg bled. Yikes.

I used to put an empty fish bowl in my dining room and wrote 'Crystal's Money' and my dad filled it up everyday. I was so happy whenever he did!

With no internet or computer or phone, I had a lot of free time as a child. So I spent it reading a Childscraft book collection. And most of the things I read there I learnt in Form 2 like photosynthesis and Inertia. So all the things I read about at the age of 5 was not in vain after all!

Ahh, I really loved my Childscraft books. Especially the History book. Surprisingly.

And there are many more that I can think of probably but I'm too lazy to even do that now.

Omegling

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You and the stranger both like books.

You: oh hey!

Stranger: Hey

You: finally someone who likes books.

Stranger: How's the day stranger?

Stranger: same feeling!

You: quite uneventful I must say.

You: How about you?

Stranger: We might be living in parallel spaces I must say

Stranger: For its the same for mw

Stranger: And one thing before we talk

You: Mmmhm?

Stranger: My responses might be a bit slow as I have a horribly slow net connection

You: Haha, no problem cause my laptop is spazzing too.

Stranger: Name a book that comes to your mind..now!

You: Harry Potter Book 1

You: Thats the first thing.

Stranger: I say cloud atlas

Stranger: Ha.nice choice

Stranger: I like book 3 the beat though

Stranger: Best*

Stranger: Wonderfully crafted that one

You: Yeap, agreed

You: Okay name your top 3 best books.

Stranger: Oliver twist

Stranger: Harry potter series

Stranger: And wait..id like to sneak in sharp objects too

Stranger: By Gillian flynn

Stranger: And you?

You: I've only read one of the books you listed T_T

You: The Harry Potter series.

You: Northern Lights

Stranger: better that way..we can give each other more recommendations that aren't common.. :)

Stranger: name your top there books atramger

You: haha true. and i liked the hunger games

Stranger: .stranger*

Stranger: ;)

Stranger: if you have a name thatd help ye know

You: Haha, okay. Its Crystal.

Stranger: Okay crystal. I like hunger games..

Stranger: Nice series

You: oh, you can visit my blog. http://purcrystally.blogspot.com/

You: whats your name?

Stranger: I'm venky btw

You: where from?

Stranger: Visit mine at venkatiyer2007.blogspot

Stranger: .com

Stranger: India

Stranger: You?

You: ah, we're 'almost' neighbours. Malaysia.

Stranger: Hello crystal you there?

Stranger: Ahh

You: oh sory yeap, just checking out your blog.

Stranger: Always wanted to be there once

Stranger: Kuala Lumpur!

You: haha, well yeah but im far away from there.

Stranger: im doing the same too

You: im in the bornean island, sabah.

Stranger: Okay..will google itnout

Stranger: It out*

Stranger: I'm reading this post of yours..'A letter'

Stranger: Pretty good I must say

You: Hahaha, thanks.

Stranger: I hope your laptop doesn't shut down by itself today though

Stranger: .;)

You: It better not! I'm writing a paper.

You: So, what are you doing now?

Stranger: Ahh..you a student?

You: yeah, im 16. u?

Stranger: 21

Stranger: I read your past 4 years of my lifetime

Stranger: Good again

Stranger: You introspect a lot

Stranger: That's very goos

Stranger: good*

Stranger: Youl be successful crystal

Stranger: And you seem optimistic

You: ahh, thanks venky!!

Stranger: Don't think im judgemental

Stranger:

Stranger: Just my views..:)

You: hahaha, thats fine, really! :D

Stranger: Read any of my posts?

You: yeap, but its so... deep. i dont really understand it. im a really shallow person.

You: but i think its really interesting.

Stranger: I think you're more deeper than you think you are

Stranger: I don't know..just your posts

Stranger: Made me feel so

Stranger: But it's better to be shallow ye know..we remain happy that way

Stranger: crystal you there?

You: aww, haha thats more compliments than anyone has given me.

You: Thank you!

You: Did you write the poetry yourself?

Stranger: I've to go now. Work..:( Nice talking to you..i hope we shall chat sometime soon..even when you grow older, stay as you are crystal

Stranger: You have a good heart

Stranger: You might feel im just a stranger trying to flirt but then I dont know why im telling this to you

Stranger: Yup

Stranger: my poetry..:)

You: its beautiful. :)

Stranger: Thanks crystal

Stranger: I shall read more of your posts soon..,:)

You: bye venky. haha, i'll make sure to credit you when i rule the world.

Stranger: I'm vencuts on twitter

You: haha, alright! i'll follow you then. and on blogger too.

Stranger: Real nice talking to you. All the best

You: You too! :D

Stranger: Haha..one post among the 100 should be this conversation..;)

Stranger: Kidding..;) Cya crystal

You: maybe i'll post it ;D keep reading me then.

Stranger: I will..:D

Stranger: Bye bye

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

I Am Genuinely Happy With My Life

Have you ever felt that feeling when you're genuinely happy with life? Like you go to sleep at night looking forward to the next day? Then you look around you and you just think, I'm SO BLOODY HAPPY!!!!

Because thats how I feel right now!

I mean, I've got pretty clothes, quite a nice family, everything I could want in life and thats pretty awesome for me.

A lot of people I see around me are just overall having a shitty time but the way I see it, its for the silliest things.


Ehem.

Happiness does exist.

Fun does exist.

Freedom does exist.

Maybe this asian was particularly emo in that post but, lets just say.

Anyway, I find happiness when I concentrate more on what I have rather than what I want. And when I think all of these things that I have, it makes me realise that I don't really need the things that I want.

One day, a grandfather told his grandson that there are two wolves that are constantly battling each other inside of us. One of the is called UNHAPPINESS (resentment, hatred, jealousy) and the other is called HAPPINESS (love, compassion, gratitude). So the grandson asked, "Which one wins?" And the grandfather replied, "The one you feed."
 

So let go of the negative thoughts that you have lurking around because they just may not be true about yourself. Be happy with what you have, be GRATEFUL. If you're never grateful, then you'll never be happy with what you have because you'll always be wanting MORE MORE MORE.

I try to always remember that nobody owes me anything. Every good deed that people have done for me is something that I should remember all my life. Every good deed I have done for people shouldn't be expected to be returned, and if theres anything is to return is that they made me happy because I am always happy whenever I do something nice willingly.

Sometimes, you hate your parents. They could have easily chosen not to have you when you were a baby, and they could just as easily kick you out into the cold night. They could easily let you starve. They could easily clothe you in rags. If they did none of the above, call Child Services lol. But people keep on dwelling on the things the parents don't let them have they forgot all the things their parents did give them.

This may be weird, but I got slightly worried that my dad doesn't care about me when he didn't get mad at me on my results, but then, I thought nah, he just has confidence in me lol. Sorry for the digression.

And I think its amazing how much we all want to be accepted into society. Like if someone out there doesn't like us, the world would stop turning and we would all die. Now I know that that is bullshit. Its really easier to accept that not everybody will love you right? And so many of us dwell on our haters more than the people who love us. So why not take all these haters and put them in a dark corner where they belong and put the people who love us on a mantlepiece?

So don't worry about things that won't change even if you worry. Don't worry that it will rain. Don't worry that you're ugly. Don't worry that theres something stuck between your tooth. Don't worry that people won't like you. Don't worry because these negative thoughts will destroy you. Besides, these thoughts are often false anyway.

Basically live by the saying, don't worry, be happy!

Lol, this wasn't supposed to be a useful post so I'll stop now because I have absolutely no idea what I'm saying anymore. And who the hell do I think I am telling you how to be happy. Different people have different kinds of happiness right?

My Crushes Eyes

Because I have nothing better to do. So expect a LOT of posts this month and the next.

OH OH!

I CHALLENGE MYSELF TO PUT UP 100 POSTS THIS MONTH!

Hahaha, f my followers life.

Okay, the first challenge is...

*drumroll please...

My crushes eyes!

He had such quiet eyes.... lol no.

Okay, he has those kind of eyes that just smoulder you into ashes.

He has light coloured eyes which seems to change shades depending on his mood.

His eyes are free of make up because boys who wear make up freaks me out.

His eyes are soft and relaxed so it has a homey feel to it. And because soft eyes will automatically make me feel relaxed too, it helps me in times of stress. Rather than stricken eyes that people have when they're scared.

He knows how to wink with his eyes.

Okay, he has a glint in his eyes, just a bit because too soft can be boring also.

His eyes could hold eye contact and not be so shifty.

His eyes are expressive. Like you know how the eyes roll when someone gets expensive or gets squinty when someone laughs or gets huge when someone is sursprised? Yeah, like that.

I don't know how to explain it but his eyes can smile.