Hello once more readers, I finally have free time (for two months to be exact) and I can blog yey!

I actually logged on into this blog without any plans or things to say, but I must have something to say right? Its been two months since I last said anything.

Well, for starters...

For the past two weeks, I have been off contact from everyone (except family). I am really crap at keeping in touch with people unless I am forced into situations with them. I am crap at small talk and I am crap at coming up with unnecessary conversations.

I did actually text with a friend at the beginning of the holiday, and we literally wrote about ten lines each and ended our conversation with 'hahas' and 'lols'. I mean, what do you expect me to say when all you say to me is 'haha'?? Because that is one of my tactics to end conversations online, so I just end up not replying.

Also, I deleted my twitter account, so nobody can contact me through that either. Which leaves facebook (which I am also planning on deleting if not for the photos) and instagram. I quite enjoy instagram actually. But who has conversations on instagram? No one.

But I am loving this solitude actually. Or am I just saying that to lie to myself and make myself feel better? *laughs maniacally

Socializing is such hard work.

Speaking of socializing, there is something on that topic that I want to get off my chest. And I feel like such a 16 year old for having this on my chest in the first place.

But aren't sweet boys just one of the most frustrating things ever? Frustrating, and deceiving. Whenever a boy says sweet things to me like...

This one guy said to me, "Who said you're nothing to me?"

And another guy saying to another guy and I was a spectator to the conversation, "Crystal is pretty." *blush (not every day you hear that

Or when you say, "No one would be interested in anything I say," and he goes "I would". *true story

Or if its just a compliment accompanied by the most dashing smile and an intense stare directed at you...

There are always two parts of my brain going on when these things happens. One of them makes my heart skip a beat and my lips turn upward and my cheeks blush. I could never help feeling a teeny tiny bit happy after that.

But at the same time, I know that 99.99% of these comments, usually don't mean as much as I think. And I think a lot, cause, you know, I'm a little crazy. But its crazy with a leash on because there's always that dependant part of my mind that says "Woah hold it sister."

And I am ever so grateful that I have those thoughts but sometimes, the thought comes too late and this happens.

A guy says hi.
Me : Do you think he likes me?
Friend : Wut o.O
Me : (under my breath) damn what is wrong with me?

So yeah, that was just a thought I had.  Crazy thoughts... now you see why I feel like a 16 year old when this is the crap going through my mind. You'd think I would have something better to ponder on, like world peace or uni applications but no no. I choose these things.

Sigh. Although, I think these meaningless thoughts are just distractions I am making up for my studies. I worry tirelessly every single say but there is nothing I can do! I wish my school offered some classes over these 2 months and let me do something because not doing anything about my stupid grades is driving me insane.

I just hope my parents won't be called to the parent lecture meeting if i don't meet the required CGPA. WHICH I AM SO FUCKING WORRIED ABOUTTTTT!

Just suck it up i suppose. And deal with the consequences of not doing well. I'll just think of it as a fall, and I will get up and recover. Have to have to have to!

I am not looking forward to it. 😕 I might even cut myself off the world for a few weeks so I don't cry about it to anyone and annoy people. I'd cry if my CGPA was less than 3.00.

It would take a really bad result for that my CGPA to go that low but I'm being pessimistic. That way the fall would hurt less.