What If I Get a B?

Suddenly I'm anxious/nervous/scared/freaked because all these doubts are creeping into my head.

The biggest scariest doubt is *jengjengjend* SPM. I can't believe its still haunting me after all this time.

For my english continuous writing essay, I chose a narrative essay and the question was something about an experience that made me a better person.

Rewind a bit, in 2 years I've been struggling to write a good plotted essay because I am not original and all my essays drag on and on about silly things. So the main thing I think about when writing an essay is to make a solid plot that is short and sweet.

But unfortunately, I only have an hour to do the essay and I struggle to think under pressure. And the exam was so stressful, I felt I was suffocating.

So once I saw the questions I quickly did my section A as quickly as I could, and then went on to the the essay. One thing, teachers have always advised us students to do section B (the continuous writing essay) because it has more marks and takes more effort to do. But my advise is do section A (the directed writing that has a format) first cause as you do it, ideas on section B can come to you naturally, right? Yeap.

But just my luck, I didn't come to me naturally that day, OF ALL DAYS! So, I was sitting there for a while, stumped, and thought about this one time, I spent 40 minutes on my plot and ended up making silly mistakes on my essay.

 Before the exam, my teacher gave me my class an assignment on what made us a better person and its really similar to the SPM question right? The problem was that its one of those stupid plot essays because I was really inspired by this scene in The Fault In Our Stars by John Green.

The story was about this boy that was going to die of cancer and he did haha and when he did the girl didn't want to live anymore without her bestfriend. But then she found a letter from him to her about how he didn't regret his life and that she should be stronger and she cried and promised to his spirit that she will. OMG that's a horrid plot.

I feel like cursing right now.

So, I wrote about that.... and now I'm worried because it might not answer the question and it might drop my grade all the way to a C.

What am I going to do if I can't get an A!!!??? English is my only personal talent, and I want to be an english teacher and I want to have a foundation in TESL.

I'm going to be really depressed if its not an A!!! My history and moral can be a B but my English must must must must be an A!!! Even an A- will do!

Ok, I can't think like this. My grammar was good, my vocab was good, my expressions were good. Just because my plot resembled dog shit doesn't mean that it will be so bad. And its not really dog shit... its not like I wrote a silly love story. Its about life and death, and in the end, death and in the end the guy lost to cancer, but, in death comes life (so profound haha) and the girl found her life. Goodness, I hope the examiner likes these kinds of things.

I will get an A! I will get an A! I will get an A! I will get an A! I will get an A! I will get an A! I will get an A!!!!!!!!

I must get an A... Please please please if there is an ounce of justice in this world, I deserve an A! I've worked too hard on finding all these expressions and reading all the books I've read and all the essays I've poured my heart into.

Sigh, I don't even know who I'm begging to in this blog. The ministry of education haha?

I know this sounds horrible, but...

If I get the same grade as someone who speaks broken english (cewek cewek pretty girl cam you do what here ah? ughh), I would be soooo infuriated!

Ah, I shouldn't say such mean things. I'm sure it will be fine, though. This blog post calmed me down and made me see some sense. After this, no more worrying and I will only think positive thoughts!

Here is a quote from John Green, the author that inspired me in my last essay as a secondary school student.