So, if you didn't know, I am (hopefully) going to study in the States.
I can either go this year on August or next year. Most people would say go this year la, why waste a year in Malaysia when you can have fun in the States?
And that is where I am different from my batchmates... I have been setting my sights on America next year.
But you know what, pressure is really getting to me and I am so so scared. I'm scared that I won't be able to go. And I'm scared of the humiliation. Not just my humiliation, my parents' as well.
And they are saying that I have to go no matter what. T.T
People are asking me when I'm flying off and its already embarassing to say 2016, it would be even more embarassing to say that I didn't meet all the requirements like a 3.5 CGPA, 1400 in SAT, a whopping 100 out of 120 in TOEFL. Then theres that fear that no top 50 university in the US would accept me.
People say, "Oh at least you tried compared to other people who are sitting on their bums doing nothing."
But saying things like that is just an excuse. An excuse to comfort myself and sugarcoat the fact that maybe I'm just not good enough.
And the pressure of flying and requirement fulfilling is making me insane. I mean, I got 18/20 for a Calculus test and I cried because it wasn't 20/20.
I cry because of the stupidest reasons la honestly. Who cries while watching a happy advertisement?? Me.
Then theres the pressure of the whole country because I am basically being paid to study and I so so so badly want to do a good job at it.
Nothing worth it is ever easy.
What have I gotten myself into?
I can either go this year on August or next year. Most people would say go this year la, why waste a year in Malaysia when you can have fun in the States?
And that is where I am different from my batchmates... I have been setting my sights on America next year.
But you know what, pressure is really getting to me and I am so so scared. I'm scared that I won't be able to go. And I'm scared of the humiliation. Not just my humiliation, my parents' as well.
And they are saying that I have to go no matter what. T.T
People are asking me when I'm flying off and its already embarassing to say 2016, it would be even more embarassing to say that I didn't meet all the requirements like a 3.5 CGPA, 1400 in SAT, a whopping 100 out of 120 in TOEFL. Then theres that fear that no top 50 university in the US would accept me.
People say, "Oh at least you tried compared to other people who are sitting on their bums doing nothing."
But saying things like that is just an excuse. An excuse to comfort myself and sugarcoat the fact that maybe I'm just not good enough.
And the pressure of flying and requirement fulfilling is making me insane. I mean, I got 18/20 for a Calculus test and I cried because it wasn't 20/20.
I cry because of the stupidest reasons la honestly. Who cries while watching a happy advertisement?? Me.
Then theres the pressure of the whole country because I am basically being paid to study and I so so so badly want to do a good job at it.
Nothing worth it is ever easy.
What have I gotten myself into?
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