I have been thinking lately... am I lonely?
Its such a sad question and the answer must be yes if the question even came to mind. I guess yeah, I am lonely.
I realized that at the end of the day, there is nobody that I could talk to about my day. If I was having a bad time, there is nobody at all that I could complain to that about. And I think that's really really pathetic haha.
So I dunno la what's the conclusion of this sad sad post. I don't think I've always been like this. I think there was once a time when I had a best friend to talk to. I always mess up the best friendships, either by being a total b**** or by losing contact with my best friends. I have met so little good people and I guess they really set up the standard on people I like to hang out with.
But I guess, life as a lone wolf isn't so bad. I got time to 9gag, which is awesome. Nobody bothers me with their self inflicted psychological distress.
Oh! By the way, I feel like I am having self inflicted psychological distress!
I am in a group with some other classmates for a project and one of my other classmate told me that I seemed bossy. And now, I'm mentally bashing my head against the wall because being seen as bossy is so embarassing for me. And for some other reason, I seem to butt heads with people a lot lately and I think the best solution is to just keep my lips zipped.
I don't know why I'm so bothered with loneliness. I guess maybe I just want someone to tell me about their day and I want to tell someone about my day and we can both sympathize with each other and then laugh about something stupid we did.
I hear so much about my classmates having their friends over to visit, and I am so so envious at them. I don't have friends close enough, in distance and in friendship, that would come over and spend time with me.
At this point, if someone were to pay any interest in being a friend for more than a day to me, I'd be just desperate enough for friendship that I'd take it. If someone were to ask me how I'm feeling, I'd probably gush out a river of complaints and emotions.
Maybe all this is because I think that people will judge me if I show how I really am, and my default setting is weird. I wish I can watch a season of Glee and embrace my weirdness but its hard to embrace it when letting it out will make me a pariah.
But then again, I am already a pariah. *draw circles in the corner
Its such a sad question and the answer must be yes if the question even came to mind. I guess yeah, I am lonely.
I realized that at the end of the day, there is nobody that I could talk to about my day. If I was having a bad time, there is nobody at all that I could complain to that about. And I think that's really really pathetic haha.
So I dunno la what's the conclusion of this sad sad post. I don't think I've always been like this. I think there was once a time when I had a best friend to talk to. I always mess up the best friendships, either by being a total b**** or by losing contact with my best friends. I have met so little good people and I guess they really set up the standard on people I like to hang out with.
But I guess, life as a lone wolf isn't so bad. I got time to 9gag, which is awesome. Nobody bothers me with their self inflicted psychological distress.
Oh! By the way, I feel like I am having self inflicted psychological distress!
I am in a group with some other classmates for a project and one of my other classmate told me that I seemed bossy. And now, I'm mentally bashing my head against the wall because being seen as bossy is so embarassing for me. And for some other reason, I seem to butt heads with people a lot lately and I think the best solution is to just keep my lips zipped.
I don't know why I'm so bothered with loneliness. I guess maybe I just want someone to tell me about their day and I want to tell someone about my day and we can both sympathize with each other and then laugh about something stupid we did.
I hear so much about my classmates having their friends over to visit, and I am so so envious at them. I don't have friends close enough, in distance and in friendship, that would come over and spend time with me.
At this point, if someone were to pay any interest in being a friend for more than a day to me, I'd be just desperate enough for friendship that I'd take it. If someone were to ask me how I'm feeling, I'd probably gush out a river of complaints and emotions.
Maybe all this is because I think that people will judge me if I show how I really am, and my default setting is weird. I wish I can watch a season of Glee and embrace my weirdness but its hard to embrace it when letting it out will make me a pariah.
But then again, I am already a pariah. *draw circles in the corner
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