Pent Up Anger

Yayyyy all my college and scholarship interviews are done! I had three interviews - JPA, MARA-JPA and UM. Should I write an experience blog?

The more that I think about it, I think I have made a grave mistake.

Eottohke?!

My mistake is letting other people tell me what to do. Back then, it seemed like a pretty good idea because I had no idea at all what I wanted to do with myself and I thought adults knew better than me anyway, so a huge part of my choices (like 50%) was all about other people's thoughts on what I need to be.

I don't have the passion for most of the things they tell me to do.

So, my advice to my juniors who are fresh out of school... DON'T LET ANYONE, NOT EVEN YOUR PARENTS, TELL YOU WHAT YOU WANT. If you don't know what you, think about it until you do. Ask for advice but don't let people force you. Ask yourself, what do I desire? What Alan Watts said is true, if you really like doing something, you will eventually become a master at it and it doesn't matter what it is.

I should have just applied what I wanted!!!!! *sigh Now, looking in at my list of applied courses, it makes my heart heavy.

In fact, I'm starting to resent everyone who told me what I needed to do. And its not even a suggestion, its like an order. Said rudely to me some more haih.

Everyone (well almost everyone, mostly the aunties) is telling me, "Don't be stupid. You got 10As. Be this be that. What for become this and that. Eh, money is everything you know so don't need to put your passion and happiness into this decision. Trust me, I'm an aunty and I know everything."

And its just so frustrating!! Its me who is going to make this my whole life! Its me who is going through the stress! Hey aunty! Go tell your own children what to do  la!!! The worst thing is, they have been absent for most of your life and suddenly at this moment, they can tell you what's best for you.

I want to be what I am passionate about and what is going to make me happy. Money is numbers, and numbers will never end. The people who make their whole life working just for the sake of gaining money will never be satisfied.

I don't want to get money just to continue living a shitty life.

Lol, is my pent up anger showing? Well, that's cause I am angry.

Mostly angry at myself for not standing up for myself in the first place. They told, and I listened so that makes me equally, if not more, or even if not entirely at fault in this situation. 

So when the time comes, I will have to decide. If I were offered a scholarship or accepted into a course in something I don't want, will I take it? Maybe a miracle will happen.