I WILL RULE THE WORLD

They call me Mr. Ernestford Oxford Wales or just M.E.O.W if my name contained far too many syllables for your tiny little human brains.

Looking at the picture, you'd think that I am a cute fur ball that couldn't do any harm yes? MUAHAHAHA WELL YOU'RE WRONG ONCE AGAIN HUMAN!

I am one of the deadliest, most cunning creature in the world (house...)!

Ahem, let me just tell you the story of how I managed to manipulate my humans into allowing me inside their home.

It was Christmas time when I happened to stumble upon a house in Beaufort, hungry, skinny and not at all feeling cute. It was a nice enough home, with like, 5 OTHER CATS THERE hmph, so I knew that I can't stay there. No..... I devised a plan.

I sat on a corner acting all sick and helpless when a female human let out the most high pitched shriek, "EEEEEEEEE CAT LAH!" In response, I mewled and rubbed my head on her ankle. I could feel her hyperventilating from my adorableness.

"Crystal!!! Apa tu?" An older female asked.

"It's a kitty. I WANT!" the human they called Crystal demanded. Heh, it didn't take long at all to win her heart. Sheesh, not a challenge at all.

But then, a few days later, the humans just packed their bags and left me. I howled in fury and messed up their sofa's... that will teach them to piss me off again. Although, these humans are disgusting cause they have the audacity to hit my head after that!

Anyway, I guess the humans who left heard about my distress and mistook it as me missing them (as if) and then they came back and brought me to my new castle.

I rather liked my new castle. Its big and I can poop without being chased by chickens. But! I have rivals here who tries to take away my territory by peeing into the bushes. My new servants would normally hit them with a broom though.

My favorite servant to order around would be Servant Crystal. She's always gone during the day though but at night when she's home, I would order her to scratch my head and open a tin of fishy thingys. And all I have to do is to sit in front of kitchen! Hahahahahaha what an idiot...

But during the days when she is home, she likes to stare at paper. And while she's wasting her time NOT attending to my needs, she can't see me in the kitchen can she?

So, I simply have to hop on to her table and sprawl myself as much as I can..... like this!

Then, Servant Crystal would sigh and discard her books and rub that spot under my chin... ahhhh.

And! When Servant Crystal is trying to entertain me, I'd bite her and scratch her so she knows her place in this world. Well, we all have to be a little cruel sometimes.

Now, now, I know you all have a lot of questions for a great creature like me so I'd do you a favor and answer them.

1. Master M.E.O.W, how can you be so merciful to your people?

-Well, I try.

2. How do you keep your fur so clean?

-Servant Crystal bathes me every week and I hate it so much. So, I scratch her till her arm bleeds but that doesn't stop her.

3. What's your favorite food?
-My servant's food.

Well, that was a pointless set of questions.

Yawwwwnnnnnnn..... I'm sleepy.

Zzzz.....zzzzzzzzzz.....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz........

Huh hmmm??? Another cutesie picture? Fine... (though there are eye boogers, ignore it.)

Now, get out of here!

Before I end you hmph... *lick lick