Something New, Something Familiar

I need to get this off my chest.The last two posts were also of this topic but I'm going to dedicate this one post to one topic :

I am scared and worried right now.

University life is so foreign and I know that I'm not the only one who feels this way. Life goals has been so straightforward up till now. It's always so simple and I only have to take it all one step at a time. Study. Do well in this exam. Do well in that. Join activities. Go to this class. Go do that. Secondary school is EASY. And fun honestly.

It was fun because it is familiar to me. I know exactly what to expect like what to wear, what to do, what to eat, who to talk to.

Hajiman... (but...)

I am going to KL soon... like 2 weeks. Everything is so foreign. I don't know what to wear, what to do what to eat, who to talk to. I don't even know if I should speak like normal or try to refine my Malay a bit cause some people think that the Sabah accent is very harsh.

I am going there ALONE and I think that's what frightens me the most. If I had continued my studies near home, then I could go back home and cry on my friend's/families shoulder. I just want something familiar...

I want to come back home at the end of the day.

Ok, I'm just gonna blabber all the embarassing things ok?

Whenever I have a bad day, I would cry at home, with my mom. (Oh god I'm even crying now). I cry. Its what I do. And let me tell you, I cry very easily. The slightest confrontation and sadness can set me off. Even watching other people cry makes me cry. Thinking of something bad that happened to me 13 years ago makes me cry.

I cried watching Spiderman break up with Gwen Stacy.

Anyway, later at this foreign place, probably with no friends, I'm gonna have to cry alone. That's such a depressing thought... I'm gonna throw away all dignity and call my parents every night! I'm gonna skype, watsapp, sms, call them all the time haha.

Last year, this loneliness didn't even cross my mind. I always thought that I'd be sick of familiar things cause 17 years already seeing the same things right? No, I can't get enough of this. Its really true... you don't realise you love something till you've lost it.

I think that... I'm really not ready to be independent. I'm still a child. I'm not ready to go out to the real world on my own.

My aunt called me just now and I told her that I'm heavy hearted and while telling her, I got even more heavy hearted so its hard... She said that everything will be okay. I'm gonna have to face this sooner or later (although I would wish it was later).

So, I guess I'm diving in these murky waters, unknown of what lies beneath. (Damn dramatic sentence)

This makes me realise how cruel it is to animals when you separate them from their mothers. And I've done that a number of times when I took some kittens back to my house. I feel so bad now!!!!! Btw, that is not the case with Meow, cause he was alone and starving when I found him.

I'm also worried about my inability to make new friends. I've never had any problems making new friends (my trick is to treat them as if they are already your friend, usually people would just play along) before. But! Suddenly my confidence is dropping haha what am I gonna do.

What if I don't find people who click with me? What if they find me weird? What if I become the campus pariah omg knock on wooooood.

So... I went back to basics aka pre-school leveled motivation and remembered this Dr. Seuss poem (?).

I will definitely remember these words when I'm in a slump and when I'm afraid. Like, now lol.

Someday I'll read back this blog post, and laugh and wonder, why I was ever worried. :D

I'm going to make my year in KL fun! And enjoyable! And I'm going to spend my days and nights laughing, cause a second being unhappy is a second wasted right?

So, although I'm sad to leave, I should also say I'm excited for a whole new chapter of my life to begin. And also lots of freedom hoho. I'll update again when I get there and tell you guys all about my first week after orientation.

TTFN! Tah Tah For Now.