Crying Like A Baby

Shitty.

That was how I felt earlier today.

I was doing nothing when Mr. Thien came to class and called Ben out, for Korea... and he didn't call me....

So of course I wasn't chosen to go to Korea, but then Ben called me out. Mr Thien said that Elvena and Ben are going to Korea and if that was okay with me. It went like this :

MT : Are you okay with Elvena and Ben going?
Me : Yeah.. (smile)
MT : Because the teachers said that Elvena worked the hardest.
Me : Can la...
MT : You must say if that is true..
Me : Mmmm hmmm...
MT : And since Ben is the leader, naturally he would go.
Me : Okay okay...
MT : Sure ah? Don't write to the newspaper that this isn't fair or anything.

At that point I was still okay though I felt a little bit disappointed. Then we went to see Carlin, another group member and repeated the process over again. Then finally, we confirmed that Ben and Elvena will be representing our group in Korea and Mr Thien left us.

As we were going upstairs back to our class, the first drop of tears started to fall and Ben was so nice, he offered his place to me! But I said no, cause that wouldn't be right you know?

How I felt when the news came.

Then I went to class and I saw my friends talking. I ran to a small space behind where they were talking and just collapsed to the ground, covered my face with my hands and cried.

I wish I looked this pretty when I'm crying.

Its the kind of crying where you can't breathe and you don't want to make a sound but you just can't help it. I think I was really really really loud too... just imagine a baby crying.

And all my friends crowded around me and comforted me!!!

Jessica, who gave me tissues when for my snot and tears!!

Frieda, who hugged me and gave me her shoulder to cry on but I don't want cause I was scared that my makeup would stain her shirt!

Sarah, who rubbed my back and kept comforting me and telling me the silver lining of things!

The friend who told Ben to stop smiling because that made me feel shittier about things! I don't know who that was because I was blurred by tears.

Ben, who offered his place to me! I said congratulations to him while I was sobbing violently so it didn't seem very genuine... but I really mean it!

*sob sob Congrats Ben.... *sniffel sniffel *sobs harder*sobs like a maniac*

Carlin, Caroline, Julia, Michelle, Calvin and everybody la who was there but I didn't notice because I was too busy trying to calm down!!!!

I LOVE YOU GUYS!!

And soon, with the help of my friends, I cried in a controllable manner and it was time to go home...

Then Carlin talked to me at the bus stop and comforted me more because I still felt like the biggest shit in the world. She said that I should take Ben's offer because I wanted it so so so so so so much, but I don't think that would be fair to Ben.. so... sigh, next time la.

I was still crying controllably until my dad came to pick me up. When I told him the news, I began crying like a baby again, how la like this. Then my dad comforted me, saying I'll get something better next time if I worked harder. So work harder I will!

Haiya, I was really sad, disappointed and just overall devastated... It took me a few hours to stop bawling and that is only when I got my fix of 9gag and McDonalds that I stopped crying.

9gag is magical!

I really can't get pissed off at anyone because I know that I'm not the most deserving to go. So, I'll just assume that God is doing what he needs to do and let bygones be bygones.

It's not like its the end of the world.

Ah crap, I feel like crying again... and theres a stack of papers that needs some violent tearing so bye! I need to vent of my anger and frustration in a physical way!